Fire Emblem Heroes: Gay or European

Gay or European?

[A/N: Some characters I couldn't account for so it may seem jumpy in places.]

Eclat burst back into the courtroom, somewhat over excited as she stopped.
❝ Watch this. ❞
She drops her court notes and does the 'bend and snap' in front of the others.
❝ Didja see that? ❞
Laslow, one of the defence team turns his head and takes a long glance at Eclat. She stares back at him as if to say 'well...'
❝ See what? ❞
Ryoma also took notice and almost stopped for breath.
❝ Can you do it again? ❞
Next to Ryoma stood Azura, she turned and to face him and didn't seem impressed in the slightest, slapping him, she sat them both back down.

❝ Kiran can't have had that affair with Selena, I just did the bend and snap in front of him and nothing.

Clearly he must be gay ❞

Laslow stood confused and in denial of Eclat's wild claims. He stepped forward and whispered: ❝ You want to out him on the stand? If you're wrong, we sound desperate and homophobic! ❞

❝ But I'm not wrong, I know it! ❞ She cried in protest as the judge returned to their seat... But as Kiran went to cross the room...

Eclat: ❝ There, right there! Look at that tan well tended skin, look at the killer shape he's in, look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh please he's gay, totally gay! ❞

Laslow: ❝ I'm not about to celebrate, every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate, this guy's not gay, I say, not gay. ❞

All (Laslow, Ryoma, Azura, Tharja): ❝ That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey? ❞

Ryoma: ❝ But look at his coiffed and crispy locks. ❞

Azura: ❝ Look at his silk translucent socks. ❞

Laslow: ❝ There's the eternal paradox, look what we're seein'. ❞

Eclat: ❝ What are we seein'? ❞

Laslow: ❝ Is he gay or European? ❞

All: ❝ Oooohhh..... ❞

An upbeat tempo began to play as the group sung aloud:

❝ Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European? ❞

Xander, who was stood in the back felt eyes staring at him and replied: ❝ Well, hey don't look at me. ❞

Tharja happened to chime in with some useful information: ❝ Well, they bring their boys up differently in those charming foreign ports.. ❞

All: ❝ They play peculiar sports, in shiny shirts and tiny shorts! Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks! They both say things like ciao bella, while they kiss you on both cheeks! ❞

Eclat: ❝ Oh please, gay. ❞

All:❝ Gay or European, so many shades of grey! ❞

Flannel, whom had been listening in couldn't help but chime in: ❝ Depending on the time of day, the French go either way! ❞

All: ❝ Gay or European or-- ❞

Veronica burst in, the court gasped for a moment before the upbeat tune resumed

❝ There, right there! Look at that condescending smirk, seen it on every guy at work. That is a metero, hetero jerk. This guy's not gay I say no way. ❞

All: ❝ That is the elephant in the room, well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume is... ❞

Azura: ❝ Automatically radically.... ❞

Laslow: ❝ Ironically, chronically.... ❞

Veronica: ❝ Certainly, flirtingly... ❞

Ryoma: ❝ Genetically medically... ❞

Kiran, at this point is flirting with Virion...

All: ❝ Gay, officially gay, swishily, GAY GAY GAY GAY... ❞

Before they could finish, Kiran quickly pecked Cherche's cheek.

All: ❝ DAMN IT ❞

All: ❝ Gay or European?  ❞

Laslow: ❝ So stylish and relaxed... ❞

All: ❝ Is he gay or European? ❞

Laslow:  ❝ I think his chest is waxed... ❞

Tharja: ❝ But they bring their boys up differently, it's culturally diverse, it's not a fashion curse... ❞

All: ❝ If he wears a kilt or bears a purse! Gay or just exotic, I still can't crack the code... ❞

Cherche: ❝ Yes, his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed. ❞

All: ❝ Huh. Is he gay or European, so many shades of grey! ❞

Lissa hopped on Flannel's back: ❝ If he turns out straight, I'm free at eight on Saturday. ❞

All: ❝ Is he gay or European, gay or European, gay or Euro--! ❞

Sharena slams the door open and stands in between them all: ❝ Wait a minute! I think I can crack this guy, I have an idea I'd like to try.  ❞

Laslow motions to the courtroom expanse, ushering her along: ❝ The floor is yours. ❞

Sharena: ❝ Right, Summoner Kiran.. This alleged affair with Commander Anna has been going on for...? ❞

Kiran: ❝ Two years. ❞

Sharena: ❝ And your first name again, is...  ❞

Kiran: ❝ .... Kiran. ❞

Sharena smirked before asking her last question: ❝ And your boyfriend's name is? ❞

Kiran: ❝ Alfonse. ❞

Everyone gasped and stared back at Kiran confused as to how he made the prince fall for him

Kiran: ❝ W-Wait! I misunderstood, you said boyfriend, I thought you said best friend! Alfonse is my.... Best friend. ❞

Alfonse kicked in the door upon hearing such lies to the court.

Alfonse: ❝ You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it. I'm not covering for you anymore. Everyone, I have a BIG announcement.... This man is gay AND European! ❞

Everyone else gasped again as Alfonse's barrage continued.

❝ And neither is a disgrace, you've got to stop being a completely closet case! It's me not her he's seeing. No matter what he says! He's never, ever, ever, ever swung the other way. ❞

He turned to Kiran, who was tomato red.

❝ You are so gay, you big parfait, you flaming one man cabaret! ❞

Kiran protested: ❝ I'm straight! ❞

Alfonse smirked and gently kissed his lover:❝ You weren't yesterday. ❞

Kiran sank as Alfonse turned to the court and yelled: ❝ And if I may... I'm proud to say... He's GAY! ❞

The court chimed in: ❝ and European! ❞

This repeated twice before Kiran stood up and yelled: ❝ Okay, okay, I'm gay! ❞

The court cheered and Alfonse grabbed Kiran, pulling him into a kiss as the gavel slammed again....