Summary: Dan is grumpy which leads Phil into having a panic attack. Idk... it's short but I kinda just... maybe there should be a part two?
T/w: Panic attack. Don't read if you're easily triggered (please I don't want you to feel bad!), Mentions of selfharm (Just mention it, no actual selfharming)
ENJOY :)
~ Phil's pov ~
I reached out and grabbed another grape from the bowl infront of me on the coffetable. I popped it into my mouth and looked up at the tv where the end credits roled down the screen. I had just watched the last episode of Sherlock for the third time this week and sighed when I once again realised I'd have to wait a long time to see what's gonna happen next.
I pulled myself up and walked into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, quietly humming to myself as I wondered if Dan was awake yet. I decided to make him a cup as well and walked towards his room after pouring the coffee into two mugs.
I knocked on the door and silently pushed it open "Dan, you awake?" I asked and put the mug on his bedsidetable "I've made coffee".
~Dan's pov~
I'd been awake for a while, just laying in bed thinking, when I heard a knock on the door and Phil asking if I was awake.
I turned around and looked at him with half closed eyes "yeeah, but I won't get up so go away" I groaned, suddenly feeling really tired and irritated by his presence. "Oh, okey.. I just.. made you some coffee.." Phil mumbled and shuffled away. I closed my eyes as I heard him close the door and move away towards the lounge. Why did I do that? I thought to myself. He was just trying to be nice.
I groaned into my pillow and sat up in bed. I didn't even understand myself, how could I expect him to understand?
~Phil's pov~
I closed Dan's door and walked into the lounge, sat down in the sofa and picked up my computer from under the coffetable. Why is he so grumpy, It's not even early. I was just trying to be nice! I thought to myself whilst logging on to twitter and my email. well be that way then Mr Grumpy! See if I care. I thought as I started to go through my emails, suddenly in a really bad mood.
I answered a few emails and then spent about an hour just browsing. At some point I heard Dan leave his room, go into the bathroom and then enter the kitchen to start rumaging through the fridge for something to eat. I decided to just ignore him since my mood had dropped and I just felt really angry and irritated.
"Hey Phil, we've got no food and I'm starving!".
~Dan's pov~
I sat on my bed for a few minutes just staring at the coffe on my bedside table. I now felt guilty for groaning at Phil for just being nice and bring me coffee, I wasn't even in a bad mood really, he just interrupted me in the middle of a thought, and by the look on his face when he left he took it personally. I should apologise. I left my room and walked to the lounge, but seeing him on the couch with a big frown on his face I turned around and walked into the bathroom instead. The thing with Phil was that he was very sensitive. Just a glare could make him feel ugly or wortless. Not that he was a weak person, he just cared about what people thought about him a little too much.
I decided to make us some food to get him in a better mood, maybe pancakes? I went into the kitchen and looked through the fridge and cupboards. No milk. No eggs. Might as well go shopping!
I walked into the lounge "Hey Phil, we've got no food and I'm starving!" I started but got cut of by Phil snapping his head up and scoffing "Yeah? Well I dont care! Go buy some fucking food if you're so hungry I'm done doing things for you!" he screamed at me as he got up, he passed by me and secounds later he slammed the door to his room. "Wha..?" I just stood there staring at his door in chock. What the hell happened? I thought as I hesitantly took a step towards his door but stopped. I figured maybe the best thing to do was to leave him to cool down a bit before I explained that I was about to say "I'm going to the shops, do you want anything special?"
I guess he has a really bad day, I just hope it's not all my fault.
~Phil's pov~
As I slammed the door shut I heard Dan starting to say something, but I didn't care to listen. I leaned against the wall beside my door and slowly shuffled down to the ground. What's wrong with me?
As soon as I'd entered my bedroom the anger subsided and I just felt empty. Tears started to trickle down my face as I subconsiously started rubbing at my left arm. I hadn't selfharmed for years, but still I got that itchy feeling in my arms when I got really upset. Why am I even that upset?
For a good ten minutes I just sat there, before the thoughts started to overpower my brain and I started fully crying. You're worthless. You can't seem to do anything right. You just annoy people. Dan's sick of you.
All those old thoughts came back, I had'nt thought about or felt it for so long, so now it just hit with such a forse I couldn't stop it.
Panic.
Before I knew it my lungs started hurting. I couldn't seem to catch my breath and my vision got blurry. I'm going to die. I can't breath. I'm all alone!
~Dan's pov~
I stood outside Phil's door for a few minutes just waiting. At first it was just quiet, but soon I could hear him sniffling through the thin walls. Should I leave him alone? I wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone or if he needed comforting so I just stood there, listening to his sobs growing louder. No, I can't just leave him this upset! I finally decided as I heard him mumbeling to himself, incoherantly behind the closed door.
"Phil?.. Phil I'm coming in, okay?"
I got no answere so I just opened the door without his consent, slowly peaking my head inside his room.
The view that met my eyes made my heart clench. Phil was huddled up against the wall, knees to his chest, shaking with sobs and uncontrolled short breaths. "Phil!" I exclaimed as I rushed to his side.
This sight were resembeling the living memory of the old Phil, the sad Phil after the loss of his old Uni-friend who died, the insecure and scared Phil. But at least Dan knew how to handle it, he'd been here so many times before.
"C'mere.." He mumbled softly as he gently put his arms around the shaking body infront of him. "It's okay, I've got you"
~Phil's pov~
Just as I was breaking I felt strong arms embracing me. Soft nothings were whispered in my ear and it took me a minute to realise it was Dan. Who else would it be?
"Just breathe" He told me. "Breathe in... and out... in... and out..."
It took a few minutes, but soon enough I managed to get my breathing under controle. I was still shaking, but the pain in my chest slowly subsided. Ifelt the grip around me loosen a bit. Don't let go. "No.."
"Hm?" Dan asked. "Don-t.. let m-me go. I... wi-ill break.." I stuttered out. "Oh.."
~Dan's pov~
"No.." Phil suddenly said as I loosened my hold on him as his breathing steadied. "Hm?" I asked. "Don-t.. let m-me go. I...wi-ll break.." He managed to say. Right.
That was one of the things I had had to learn all those years ago. When you have a panic attack you feel like you're breaking for real. You need someone to hold you together.
"Oh.. Ofcourse not, I won't let go, I've got you"
I once again tightened my grip around him. Holding the pieces together as he mended. Humming nothings mixed with melodies close to his ear to keep him calm.
"It's okay, Phil" I whispered as he leaned against me, head on my shoulder, starting to relax.
"You'll be okay."
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A/n:
Hello :3
I have'nt written anything in ages. I suck, I know... But things happened and I lost all my will to do anything at all so... yeah. Good.
Anyways, Christinas was a thing! I got a new phone (YEY!) but it knows no English words so I'M SORRY FOR ANY MISSPELLING! ):
YOU'RE PRETTY.
BYE!
- Anni
