The Adventures of Jon Beasley and Friends

The Backstory

Now I'm not into Harrie Pootter, and I vaguely remember the books and movies, but this is Ron Weasley's backstory (including the beauty Jon Beasley). About 22 years ago, two young boys were born into this world by their mother that is probably in a ditch somewhere in Mexico right now. First born was Ron Weasley, at approximately 5:22 a.m. Next out of the womb was Jon Beasley, the better half of the twins but that'll be explained later. Ronny Weasel was born crying like the annoying little piece of carpet that he is, while Jonny Bee'sKnees was born with a smug smile like the perfect tarantula he was. Ronbon had hair the color of an orange, orange as in the fruit not the color. Jonbon was born with black hair, the color of all emo girl's souls. Fast forward about 30 seconds when their mother ripped the medical gear and cords off of her and ran out the hospital yelling that she was going to pacefully jog to Mexico to find a ditch. The hospital didn't know what to do with the twins, but they could obviously tell the better looking tarantula and annoying piece of carpet apart. They felt bad for Jon having to share a last name with Ron, so the changed the W to a B. Fast forward through the rest of their life where they lived under a staircase. No, that's not Harrison Pottorf that lived under the stairs, it was actually Ron and Jon. Screw those Harvey Pottery fans and their fake stories. Another fast forward to when they were 15, another 15 year old came down to their staircase home, claiming he was their long lost triplet named Juan Keasley. Jon was smart unlike Ron even though Ron was smarter then Jon so they both figured out why their mother wanted to go to Mexico because by Juan's Mexican sounding name not in a racist way but he sounded Mexican so was their mom Mexican no one knows because Ron and Jon weren't Mexican but maybe they were Mexican.