Soundcheck

Prologue

I'm a firm believer that you never really know a person. You never have, and never will, see things from exactly their perspective. That's why I hate when people say things like "I get it" or "I completely understand" because, you  probably don't get it or fully understand. It's been scientifically proven that everybody reacts to things differently. And what may be a minor thing for you, is a big deal for someone else.

It's also true that when you meet someone, your brain automatically makes inferences about that person. But you don't truly know that person. You could be friends with them for years and still not know every single thing about them. You won't see things for their perspective and you won't know exactly what they're going through or have gone through. And to me, that's sort of fascinating.

I've also learned that even the people who to you, seem flawless and talented in every way, probably have just as many hang-ups as you. There's so much more to a person than what meets the eye, and I think that's really important to remember.

When I was younger, I was a straight A student. I never skipped or failed a class in my life. I made the honor roll every marking period. I got leads in the school musicals and I had a pretty good core group of friends who were a lot like me. But that was around the time when all my bottled up anxiety started to get the best of me. I had panic attacks every single night. Weekends and nights were pure hell for me because I felt so alone and I didn't have any distractions. It was just me and my thoughts and that was scary for me. But I found a light at the end of the dark tunnel. Music. Music helped me get through everything. Writing music, listening to music. Everything about it was great. When I get anxious I can't stay still so I move my leg up and down or I tap my fingers or something. Any movement that will help me keep my sanity. I hate being visibly anxious and I guess with music, I had an excuse to move. I had a purpose in my fidgeting and that helped a lot.

Performing was my outlet. Whenever I play a show, whatever shit happened that day doesn't matter. It doesn't effect me. As soon as I step onto that stage, as soon as that crowd cheers, nothing matters. I channel whatever energy, good or bad, into my performance. I guess doing what you love is the best therapy. I remember playing a show the day my aunt passed away after fighting cancer for eight long years. I was a mess before the show. But as soon as I started playing, I played the best show ever. I put every damn emotion I'd felt that day into every song. I forgot about everything. Nothing mattered.

When I was a kid and people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I didn't really know. I wanted to inspire others, but I didn't exactly know how. It wasn't until I started a band when I realized what I actually wanted to do. Music was such a huge part of my life and I want to give some kid what music gave me. I want them to listen to an album I put out, and sit back and just think about it for the rest of the day and use it as motivation to start their own band...To do something powerful. It's stupid, I know. But that's how I feel.

In all honesty, the kind of lifestyle I lead could easily ruin a person. It almost ruined me. But at some point you have to drop everything holding you back and just say "fuck it". Because nothing holds you back more than yourself. Which sucks, because sometimes fighting your own mind is harder than any of life's other battles. The pressure put on you is crazy. I've learned to not let it effect me, and honestly, having that pressure of the media breathing down my neck and my manager telling me not to majorly screw something up helped me clean up my act. But it definitely made life more stressful for me. I just put out an album that went platinum. The recording process for that was a daunting one because the hype over the album was insane and I felt this disconcerting need to write the album for not myself, but for other people. But as a musical artist, you have to write for nobody but yourself. If you're not happy with your songs, nobody else will. But if you genuinely love the music you're writing and give it your all, other people will see how much passion you've put into it and get just as excited as you.

Getting to this point wasn't easy though, and I feel like I've learned a lot.

Ew this book fucking sucks so far AHAHAHA fml.
Anyways, I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with it but oh well. I'm probably gonna just delete this unless someone wants another chapter, but I probably won't keep writing unless someone wants me to update.