eden ➡ james f. potter

09: end credits.

i want to let you know, i want to let you go

To my good little Gryffindor,

By the time you've gotten this letter and settled down to read its contents, I would have already made it across the continent of Europe. My destination is something that I will not disclose at this point for many reasons, the most important reasons being that letters can be intercepted and read by the wrong people and that I do not want you leading your band of animals in a chase after me. Just know that I will be in a land far far from the war, tucked away in a hut in the woods or something to that extent.

Now.

Where do I start?

I believe in a situation like this one, an apology would be a good place of origin. As you may know, my childhood did not allow me the chance to develop skills of apologizing or pleading so I might be terrible at this. So just, bear with me and try to understand where I'm coming from with this.

I sincerely apologize for the pain and heartache that I may have caused you in the past few months and for the definite despondency that you may feel after reading this letter, that is, if you didn't feel it after waking up and realizing I was not by your side.

I can't really explain why I did what I did, why I packed up and left, but I hope that you can find it in your scarlet and gold heart to forgive me because as I had told you before, I lack that trait that allows you to stand bravely in the face of danger and know that everything could be alright. I see the situation for what it is; that I could be killed or worse, I could get you killed.

I know what you might be thinking. You're thinking that just yesterday, you convinced me to stay; that you had changed my mind and that I was going to be with you.

The thing is, I thought that too.

What changed?

I had a nightmare.

Me. Cecilia Lestrange.

My entire life has practically been a continuous nightmare yet I managed to fall into one in my subconscious. You may be wondering what was it about; what could have shaken me awake from my slumber before the sun had dared to rise and left me all kinds of startled and sweaty.

Simple. I dreamt that you had died.

Correction: I dreamt that I had gotten you tortured and killed because I stayed here with you, living in a la la land where happy endings were possible.

After that, I knew what I had to do.

I had to leave you, Potter.

I had to pack up and leave you because if I didn't, there was a possibility that bad things would have happened and I was not willing to take that chance. I wasn't willing to chance that things could either go brilliant or terrible because if the latter happened, it would have cost you your life and I wouldn't have been able to live with that.

I wouldn't have been able to know that I was responsible for the death of a good man.

If I died, it was alright. Even now, while running away, I could be caught and slaughtered. But that wouldn't have mattered to me. What matters is that you are still in Hogwarts, under the watch of that loon (who somehow manages to keep you all safe) Dumbledore and away from danger for another year.

Why is this? Why is that what matters?

Potter, this is because you deserve a good, long and full life. You deserve a life rich with opportunities to do great things: to become an Auror or a professional Quidditch player. You deserve to settle down with a nice girl, like that redheaded Muggleborn you used to chase after, and have a family. You deserve the best.