Prologue
I was a student, yet I was also a different individual underneath. I was a boy.
Most people think that boys have it easy, saying they don't have to do shit, they can do whatever they want all that nonsense. Immediately I knew they were wrong.
It was a typical Monday afternoon, classes roll on, notes and books unravel, and my mind, as always, wanders. I took a seat at the canteen next to the Department of Science's laboratory, taking a glance of everyone within my field of vision. I never made an attempt to seek initiative in anything I do, I was lazy, I leave it up to chance. I was a risk-taker, I was dauntless, but something snapped inside me.
There I saw a figure blessed with long black hair and enchanting brown eyes, a sharp nose and most especially, a mesmerizing smile.
"Shit" I said to myself, "Is this happening?"
She was a girl, an unnamed beauty in my head, and instantly I knew she was definitely worth meeting. In that instant, the laziness in me shuddered and gave way to confidence and determination.
Slowly, I tucked my earphones away and started to muster up my confidence. Breathes get heavier, hands shaking, my heart rate increasing.
"What is happening to me?" I said in my mind, still unable to control the impulses.
As seconds pass, minutes turn, she was slowly slipping away from my grasp. I had to do something, and I had to do it fast. Without further hesitation, I stood up from my chair and approached in her direction, walking not too fast to avoid attention. I was nearing my destination, 10 steps, 6 steps, 4 steps, 2 steps, In a blink of an eye I was in front of her.
"Uhhmm, excuse me but is this seat taken?" I manage to say out loud.
"Not at all." She replied in a charming tone.
"Mind if I seat with you? I'm Gabe by the way." I said, heaving my heart in my head as I was about to faint from anxiety.
"Sure. I'm Nicole, nice to meet you." She replied and again I was at a loss for words for what I witnessed then and there.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have a beautiful smile?" I managed to blurt out, my heart pounding and my breathes still not cooperating.
"Not really, thanks though. I don't usually go talk to strangers." She replied.
"Me neither, this would be a first." I said, "I don't even know why, maybe it's just that I wanted to meet you, you know, know your name, be a familiar face." I added.
"And why would you want to meet me?" She said with a chuckle at the end. "I'm not popular, I'm not beautiful or anything, I'm just plain old boring me." She added.
"Maybe that's it." I replied, "I never met someone like you, maybe its time I did." I smiled.
"Hey, I have to go." She said, "Maybe I'll see you again. Nice meeting you stranger." She replied
She left but that's not what's most important, what matters is I got her name. Nicole, that was enough for me, a pretty face with a name to match. I got motivated, I thought I had love at first sight. Little did I know that I was wrong.
After that one afternoon incident, I started coming to the school canteen more often, taking a seat and looking around. I always kept an eye out for her features, her hair, her petite body, and that mesmerizing smile. That smile was the best thing I've ever seen, not to exaggerate but it was really beautiful. My heart jumped as I had the thought in my head. Clearly, I was head over heels over this girl, and she said, maybe we'll meet again. Maybe, that had a sour taste in my mouth.
And so I waited.
And waited.
Still waited.
Unfortunately I never saw her again. Maybe talking to strangers isn't her thing. For all I know she was creeped out by me, I don't know. All I know is that this sucks, I made a mistake, and now, making the next move is hard, you keep doubting yourself, making inconclusive remarks about everything. That's when I said to myself, "Dude, you have to compose yourself, keep it together man!"
And that was a reason why boys can't do everything they want, we're just the same people who makes mistakes, we doubt ourselves, ultimately leading to inconclusiveness. We can't do shit sometimes and we all know its true. BOYS CAN BE VULNERABLE, and we aren't proud of it, but we are. That was just a taste, the rest of the story follows through.
