One Of My Biggest Mistakes

What I Would Change

     Some would say I have a short fuse. Which would be only half right. In the sense that I have no fuse at all, and no filter. Unfortunately when I'm angered my mind immediately goes to threats. Now the next thing I'm going to tell you please no pity. I still could have held my tongue, and my past does not excuse my actions. This explains why I am who I am now.

     Starting in the 1st grade I was Bullied up until the third by the same girl whose name I will not disclose because she does not need the attention from this. Every day I rode the bus home, and I sat next to the girl. Now I grew up in a poorish home and was part of the snack pack program. On every Friday I would receive the bag with things like ramen so my mom didn't have to worry about lunch. And every Friday she would try to steal it from me saying that if I didn't she'd beat me till I was bloody. 

      This went on for three years and after a while, I thought it was normal to threaten people when you were angry. I realize now this was my fatal mistake. I let her get to me I let her change who I was. By letting her do that for the next four years my immediate response to anger was to threaten my friends' other kids at school. And even as appalling as this is my family. I was so tired of being a victim that I became the assailant. 

    I believe that if I were stronger that if I had not been so easily brainwashed by her I may still be a happy little girl with hope for the world. Being naive is something that many of us take for granted. Our obliviousness of childhood is something you should hold dear. Having that ripped from me when I was seven twisted me. Now seven years later I'm fourteen and have half my school making bets I'll become a murderer and the other half to afraid to approach me.

    I was lucky enough to gain some friends who showed me a better path and for that, I could not be more grateful. But, the damage is done I cannot take back their fear and distrust. But, if I could go back and have realized sooner what I should have done differently then Mabey just Mabey I would still be a happy little girl with hope on the horizon. 

    Please take this confession as a warning keep your hope reader. Keep your kindness and never NEVER let your mind be open to the perversions of human cruelty once you've lost that light you never in your life can fully have it back with you once it's gone so is a part of you. Do not make the same mistakes I did and keep your beautiful obliviousness for the cruel and the very broken world.