How Does It Feel? (EVANSTAN)

chapter 6

*Slight trigger warning...?

For the past few days I've been sitting on the couch, staring at the letter for hours. Reading each line over and over again, my heart shattering everytime... every word. I chugged down some burning vodka and wipped my nose with the back of my hand.

I looked at my phone to see about seven missed calls from Rob. I've been ignoring him, because every time I think about sleeping with someone, just reminds me of Sebastian.

I have no idea where he is. At first, I tried texting him. No response. Then, when reality hit me that he's never going to talk to me, I started doing things. Bad things.

I heard a knock at my door and got up, heading towards the door and opened it. A man with a black hoodie on was standing there, one hand in his sweater. He nodded and looked around before turning back to me, revealing what he has in his hand.

I pulled out my wallet and looked at the man, a baggie in his hands. I gave him the last few twenty dollars I had in exchange for the small baggie. He left and I closed the door, sighing in relief.

I carefully opened the bag once I sat at the kitchen table, grabbing an old credit card from my wallet. I lined up the white substance and tilted my head down, snorting the drug. My head titled back, a tingly feeling going to my brain.

I sat back, enjoying the moment. Before I knew it, i was on the floor laughing my ass off for no reason. I heard the door open slightly and a head peeped through, wide eyes finding mine.

Sebastian. No, how? He stepped inside, concern washing over his face. I laughed even harder and tried getting up, some of my vodka spilling onto my shirt.

"H-hey! It's the maaannnn of the hour!" I said, pointing at Sebastian. He looked in my eyes, his having pity in them.

"Where have you been? We were just talking about you!" I said, slurring my words and turning around, expecting to see someone laughing with me, but there was no one. I stopped laughing, the smile on my face fading.

I turned back around to see Sebastian still there. He's not real. I started breathing more shallowly, tears brimming my eyes as i pointed to him. He furrowed his brows as i swayed on my feet.

I kept pointing at him and mumble words under my breath. The drugs were starting to wear off as I took a swig of my drink, squinting my eyes at him. He moved closer, slowly.

I realized that my mind really wasn't playing tricks on me and I cried. I dropped my alcohol and cried, Sebastian taking me in his arms, crying as well. I burried my face in his shoulder, sobbing.

"Shhh," Sebastian said, one hand running through my hair, the other rubbing my back. "I'm so sorry Chris. Oh God, what have you done to yourself?" He said pulling away and looking at me. My hair was a mess and I had a slight scruff growing. I hadn't changed or showered in days. I looked like shit.

His eyes were bloodshot and he had a leather jacket on, along with some torn up jeans. He put his hand on my cheek and I immediately melted into it. I was putty in his hands. He brought my face to his and kissed me softly. I thought this was a dream. Why is he here? What is he doing? But all my un answered thoughts were pushed away as he kissed me deeper, taking the pain away for a while.

"God did i miss you," I said, leaning my head on his shoulder and gripping his jacket tightly, the fear of him running away again.

"Me too."

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