Confessions of a Confused Teen

Who I used to be.

Let's start with elementary:

I was cute, small, and innocent.

Middle school came and that changed completely. Worst year of my life. Everyone called me a lesbian (I've got nothing against lesbians) but, as a child it just bothered me on a personal level I couldn't explain.

Junior High came. I made better friends who stuck. I started dating guys, and the summer after 8th grade I had my first kiss.

High School is here. I'm still small, 5'3&1/2, still cute, just not innocent.

I have good friends, I've been heartbroken but I learned from it.

I'm a pretty great person in general.

Then the second semester came.

This is who I am now.

Everyone says freshman year is horrible, this must be my downfall.

My official start of the highschool experience.

I feel like a slut, people call me a hoe. A few of my friends probably secretly hate me.

I talk to someone from out of state, Brandon (names changed for privacy) I have sent nudes to him. I've sexted him multiple times. That ended though and we started to catch feelings for each other. He called me babe and baby and he said he liked me, loved me even.

And, I asked him, "Why aren't we dating yet?" and he said

"The distance is the only thing that bothers me."

Which basically said I'd be stuck in the friend zone forever. He still calls me babe and stuff and, I can't resist him. :( I shouldn't still be talking to him.

I hung out with my best friend, Alexandra (name change) who lives a little bit away, and I talked to one of her friends. A guy, Jacob. (All names changed.)

After she left, I talked to Jacob more and more and, we just sexted. Today. I regret it. I feel bad because I am still talking to Brandon. Jacob and I aren't official either but, he lives a hell of a lot closer than Brandon. Plus, I'm not even sure if Brandon likes me anymore.

Honestly, I don't know whats wrong with me and these two guys. I need to sort this out.

PLEASE comment suggestions. You may ask questions about Brandon and Jacob to see if I should choose between or drop both.

Next topic. This one is more serious. . .more dangerous.

I talked to an ex-boy best friend, Braxton. Which we reconnected and, we're super good friends now.

Well, I took a selfie and sent it to him. I was half asleep and my eyes were half open and red. So I said "Lol I look high"

So we started talking about being high and smoking

I said "I haven't before but I would try weed at least once in my life."

to which he replied, "Oh dude, I'm your plug."

Braxton, his friend Daniel, my friend Melody, and I made plans to smoke.

Melody and I made sure to be extra careful so that we don't get caught. I can't chicken out.

My grades have been dropping, I've got major tests coming up and, I just haven't been able to focus at all.

So right now I feel like I lost myself, I'm talking about getting high and sex.
What happened to my "cute, funny" personality?

This is my personal form of therapy, please give suggestions as to what I can do.

To repair my relationships and, my overall health and concentration.

That's a long story short of my big problems right now.

I'll come back when I need to further vent about these topics or new topics.

Thanks❤