Kinc

The Odyssey of Kinc

"Kiiinc! Get your ass over here!" Came the shrill voice of Kinc's mother, Joe-Marie Larper. "What the fuck do you want knave?!?" , came Kinc's swift retort, "I just want you to help your poor mother pack some things. The moving van will be here in a few hours." "Okay mummy." After trudging through the filth strewn about his floor, he begins his descent downstairs, almost tripping on the disembodied head of a deer. Two stories and three near-accidents later, he arrived in his kitchen to find his mother waiting, ladle in hand. "I want those boxes on the moving van five minutes ago you cuck! If not, you know what'll happen!" "Yes mom" Kinc said submissively. Slowly, the number of boxes within the kitchen began to shrink, until only one remained. This was a moment Kinc had been dreading since he began his task. This box was filled with the family' grand piano, and Kinc knew that his mother would beat him if he did not load it on his own. The funny thing was, no one in the family played the piano. Preparing to undertake this backbreaking challenge, Kinc squatted underneath the piano, and, with one herculean push, he called upon the strength of his forefathers and lifted the grand piano. Feeling like Atlas, Kinc marched to the moving van, and slammed the piano down. Kinc then sauntered into his house, a triumphant smile on his face. Little did he know, his friend, Chrysanthemum Deedee Doodle, had a surprise for him. Kinc thought this was to be a glorious day, and thus lighted the signal fire, alerting people far and wide of his accomplishment. After this brief interruption, he returned to where Chrysanthemum Deedee Doodle, or Doodle, as Kinc called her lay. Upon his return, Kinc was stunned into inaction by Doodle's radiance. Her flowing chestnut brown hair fell effortlessly over her shapely shoulders. She had the most wonderful giggle, and was able to make him laugh at any time. Her cerulean eyes were as pools, and Kinc often found himself lost in those glowing bastions of blue splendour. By far the most magnificent of her resplendent features were her perfectly toned sternocleidomastoids. Taken by the moment, Kinc begins to profess his profound love for Doodle. Unfortunately for Kinc, he had vastly misread the situation. Just as Kinc begins to remove his trousers, and Doodle had had just enough time to voice her objection, Joe-Marie Larper, and Kinc's sister, Gabby walked into the living room. "KINC LARPER! What in the blazes are you doing with that heathen! And Chrysanthemum! Why would you let someone like him deflower you!?!" Demanded Joe-Marie incredulously. "Miss Larper, nothing happening. I simply came to tell your son how much I will miss him, and to give him my Gmail. Kinc, I wish you didn't have to leave. We could've done so many wonderful things together. Our time together, though short, was the sweetest of my life. I will always treasure the memories we share together." Grabbing Kinc by the ear, his mother begins to rush him out of the house. "That's very nice dear. Kinc says he'll miss you. G'bye!" "But I didn't get your Gmaillllllll....." came the voice of a defeated Kinc.