How You Changed My LIfe

If Only You Knew

*EDIT
After awhile of thinking about this, I've decided that I desperately want to share the completion of this story and how my life dramatically changed, including the steps I took in this process.

The original purpose for writing this story was for the 13 Reason's Why Contest and was created to fit both the format and restrictions stated within the description of the competition. Now that it has been over for quite some time, I've decided to take it upon myself to further edit and be more transparent about the issues I faced in hope that it can inspire others. I will be keeping the original work up , which is meant to be taken as a draft. At a later date, a few more chapters will be released giving further detail on the matter.

In my opinion, the show never really gave instructions on how to seek for help for things like depression and social anxiety, focusing more so on the tragic consequences in the outcome of suicide. From my experience, there are various ways to avoid that type of scenario, and I would like to share mine in a much lengthier narrative.

I want to personally thank everyone who reached out to me and I'll see you guys again soon!

Everyone in the world regrets something. Whether it's trivial like forgetting to do your homework, or failing to remember an anniversary. No matter how minor the event, there will always be that one moment, where you wonder "What if?"

As a freshman, I was extremely melancholy when thinking of the idea of growing up. In a way, I resembled Peter Pan. I hated the thought of aging, and wished that I could somehow return to my elementary school years, when things were so much simpler. I was never the type of kid who wished to become an adult, and cried whenever my birthday approached. With this in mind, it becomes apparent that reality hit me exceptionally hard, as I was not mature enough to deal with the inevitable pain.

The first hit to my self-esteem came in the form of childish antics. I wasn't like all of the little girls in my suburban elementary school, and it was naive of me to pretend I was. I had big curly brown hair, dark skin, and almost black eyes. Compared to my friends, I looked otherworldly. Now, it's important to note that I don't hold any resentment to those who nicknamed me a werewolf, or who denied friendship because of the color of my skin. No, what is really important to understand is that at my young age and ultimately fragile interior, I was unable to stand up for myself. Of course, now I have become much stronger, and am quite proud of my own beauty.

The most tragic event of growing up was the experience of losing all my friends. This was certainly one of the hardest times of my life. I am positive that all can comprehend brutal loneliness. Eating lunch alone and not having anyone to partner up with in class became a constant reminder that I was unwanted.

All of this brought me into a deep depression that I am still recovering from four years later.

Luckily, this all changed on the third day of entering high school, when I sat next to one of the most popular, but yet peculiar boys in school. I remember blushing, as I recalled the first time I had met him on the last day of my eighth grade year, when he held the gym door open for me and said I was beautiful. He went out of his way to walk me to class, and sit next to me on the bus. Somehow, he was able to understand my loneliness, even though he was always surrounded by lively people. His simple acts of kindness helped me understand that the world was not as dark, as I had made it out to be. He filled my life with bright colors, and I'll always be thankful for his friendship, and for being my first love. My only regret now is that I had been too shy to formally thank him for his sweet gestures, and for giving me enough confidence to love myself.