Dear Angie.

Chapter Four

10th May 2007.

Dear Angie,

I don't need help.

I have everything in control. I wasn't in the right state of mind when we killed Johann. Fiona was scared. I was scared. We panicked. It's simple.

But than again, what is the right state of mind? What is right, and what is wrong? He hit Fiona. He blackmailed Fi. She hit him with the lamp in self defense. Fiona said that he was barely breathing when I got there. We couldn't call the police. His father was the bloody commissioner. I had to protect my sister. Was that wrong?

Sister. Never in a thousand years would I have imagined that I would care for Fi, but we are bound by blood, and it is blood that forces me to love her.

Our sister is a fragile flower, Angelissa. One wrong move and you'll crush her petals. It's pathetic, but it appeals to... a different side of me. A softer side. And right now, I think I need it.

Love,

Lia.

13th May 2007.

Dear Angie,

I have lost sight of my goal. I am ashamed that I have lost my way.

All my trophies gleam, proudly polished by own hand. Science, Mathematics, Music, Drama, Debate, Cooking, Software Design, Art. But they aren't enough. I came in third in last year's national Science Fair. Second in the Math Olympiad. Third runner up in Music. I'm slipping, Angie, and I'm bad enough as it is.

Yesterday, I sat at the piano, and I tried playing the 'Eigth Sonata'. I hit the wrong note midway. I have never done something so disgraceful in my life. I mistook the year Hitler was born. I mispelled the word Ohm in one of my essays. Sloppiness. I'm slipping. I'm slipping. I'm slipping.

My room is a mess. I've been too preoccupied with my thoughts. My books aren't arranged in alphabetical order. Great Expectations is next to Pride and Prejudice. My photos have not been arranged in the right order, and my pens are not in order of colour. I cannot stand this. This is chaos.

School begins tomorrow. I don't think I'm ready, Angie.

Love,

Lia.

14th May 2014.

Dear Angie,

Today, school was.... eventful.

The school is, putting it quite simply, a huge pile of bricks glued together by an autistic toddler. It is ugly, yes, but the inside of the building is... not too bad. It's cleaner, their Science labs have more equiptment, and they have a garden. I tried to keep as low a profile as possible. The different characters and different cliques are almost like my old school, except this time, more complex. Each category is subdivided into various groups, something which is strange and exciting.

Take the school loners for example. Back in Lake, there was a small group of loners, most of them substance abusers. However, in Wentsworth Academy, the emos are further divided by their preferences. There are the destructive loners, who are even further divided. There are those who cut themselves, or take drugs. There are those who keep their distance because they take part in activities they prefer others not knowing, probably drug smuggling or such. There are those who do it because they want to self destruct, and they don't really care about anything anymore. There are those who aren't destructive, of course. Some of them just generally prefer solitude. Some of them keep their distances because they don't want to trust anyone. There are those who keep their distance because they don't want to hurt anyone.

I could go on, but it would take hours to write, and of course, more pages than this notebook has.

If only people kept their mouths shut, and their eyes open. They would see everything.

The only person whom I spoke to, and generally liked, was my Chemistry partner, Lydia. She seems to actually have an intellect, and she has a great sense of humour. She's great and all, really, but she just isn't Claire Duval.

Claire stopped ringing last week. I felt like I've betrayed her. Maybe I have. I don't know.

I am, however, intrigued by my classmate. A Marius Matari. His glasses are huge, black with thick lenses. He wore a geeky blue button down, with brown trousers. He could have blended in with the rest of them, if it weren't for his brown eyes. His eyes are critical, even as he scans everything in the room. He studied their every move, their every word. When his eyes landed on me, I could have sworn he smiled, even if it was just a quirk of his mouth.

Focus, Lia. You're not getting anywhere.

I did some research on Matari. He appears to be.... sharp. He has his fingers dipped in a lot of pies. Music prodigy. Author. Math champion.

He'll be worthwhile my time.

Love,

Lia

16th May 2007

Dear Angie,

Marius approached me today. It was quite startling, really. I was suppose to be the one who approached him, not the other way around. We were pairing up for some project for music. I was going to approach Lydia, but Marius smiled and took the seat next to me before I could do anything.

"I'm not too good in music. Care to tutor me?"

We both knew that that wasn't true, but I played along nonetheless. He was... charming, and yet I saw the way his eyes lingered on me. He was trying to figure me out.

I couldn't blame him. I, myself, had trouble deciphering him, and I would find myself staring at him without even realizing it. This is all rather confusing.

Anyway, there is an upcoming Science Fair. I should go and join. Maybe I'll partner up with Lydia.

I better start brainstorming now.

Love,

Lia.

17th May 2007.

Marius insisted on teaming up with me. Perhaps insisted isn't the right word. He forced me to team up with him. After rejecting him for about three times, he decided to go to Mr Morrie and talk about the fair. Now the entire class has been paired up with someone for the Science Fair... and I'm stuck with Marius.

I am curious about him, yes, but he is a distraction. A very, very big distraction.

I am, however, a bit flattered that Marius went through such measures to secure me as his partner.

Marius appears to have many contacts, because he managed to get my phone number although I refused to give it to him.

I suppose that pairing up with him won't be that bad. His intellect isn't that of a potato, at least.

Fiona has been troublesome about this matter, asking highly disturbing question regarding the relationship between Matari and I. She appears to think that I regard him as a sort of Romantic option.

Sometimes I wonder if she's high. She hasn't taken drugs since that night... but still, her questions are not that of a normal person's.

Maybe it's just me.

I miss Claire.

Love,

Lia

For Sarah. I hope you like it... I know you're a romantic... so yeahh.... meet Marius Matari. And I sprinkled a bit of Emilia humour in it. -Sherlice