With Love, Diana ✅

Dear Amber,

A.N~

I so so so sorry for being so late with the update! I just had a lot on my plate these past couple of dates.

But 106 reads?! Thank you so much for it!!!!! It means the world to me! Air kisses and hugs to everyone!

Also I wanted to let you guys know that there is only one more chapter before this story ends. Any thoughts?

Comment ~ Vote ~ Fan

Love,

Pragya

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Dear

Amber,

Hi.

I don't have much to write to you since I didn't really know you. I guess, that is the problem; that I didn't KNOW you.

Maybe if I did, I would've known better. But that day, at the library, when you came up to me and apologized for kissing Jason, something that wasn't even your fault, I thought maybe we could be friends.

And trust me, coming from a girl who was clinging to the only friend she had because the other had just stabbed her in the back, it meant a lot. I decided to put myself out there.

And for a while I thought maybe you were worth it. Because, the next day I sat beside you in chemistry and tried starting conversations with you, you went along with it. And it was like that for a couple of days; we chatted, you allowed me to somewhat hang out with you and foolish me, I thought we were becoming friends. So, imagine my surprise when I came up to your locker really excited to tell you about the Valentine note that had been left in my locker and you decided you had had enough of me. You could've just politely started ignoring me and I might've gotten the hint. But no, you had to make sure I KNEW that you had had enough and I guess that is why, in front of all your friends, you screamed at me,

"Why are you always following me like a desperate, lost puppy?! Just get a life and stop bothering me!"

Yes, I was humiliated. Yes, I felt angry. Yes, I was shocked. But none of it came close to the self-loathing I felt.

You were my last straw. And somehow I managed to let you slip through my fingers too. The next thing I remember, I was locking myself in the girls' bathroom and looking at the mirror and thinking,

'Maybe it is not their fault. Maybe it is me. Isn't that why I can't hold on to the people in my life? First my mom, then Jason, then Drew and now you. Maybe Drew had been right to not see a girl sitting beside, but an object. Maybe I should get a life like you had suggested, the only problem being, I didn't know how to.'

Initially they were just that, random thoughts. But slowly they started creeping into every crevice of my life. I used to go to the sink to brush my teeth and when I looked up to see myself, this huge wave of disgust would hit me. Sometimes, I would wake up at 3 am from a nightmare, crying, and tell myself,

'You have no right to cry! You deserve it. You deserve all of it.'

And curl into a ball of self-hatred.

Sometimes, it would be a snicker from somebody in the hallway because you had made another comment at my expense and I would cocoon a little more into myself. Gradually, these thoughts turned to musings and at last ended in my paranoia.

Every time I would pass somebody murmuring about something, I thought it was about me. It was about how useless, pathetic, disgusting I was. And it wasn't long before I started believing in them too.

But you know something?

I tried to pick myself up from all of it. Every time I looked at how much Nick believed in me, I wanted to believe in myself too. But you didn't make it easy. Every time I tried to move forward from this, you had a new comment to bury me under with.

I mean if you hated me that much to begin, you could have just told me to stop bothering you, you didn't have to pretend to be my friend and then fuck me up.

Though you weren't the sole one responsible for my decision but just so you know, you had a pretty big part to play in it. But the worst thing is, I still don't know what I did to bring the wrath of the school's golden girl on me.

But whatever it was I am sorry. And,

Goodbye.

With Love,

Diana

P.S – There comes someone in your life who hurts you so much that you stop hurting anymore. You were my someone.