I met this girl in 8th grade and she was the most sweetest girl I've ever met. Then we got to know each other then eventually we dated and went on our first date. Six flags. The band had a trip to go there and of course we had chaperones and mine was my mom... Luckily during all the ride that we held hands my mother never saw. Once the day was done and we were heading back to the school in our charter bus. We sat by each other on the bus and k was really tired so I slowly just laid my head back and fell asleep and next thing I knew I was on France's shoulder and her head rested on mine. I didn't want to move so I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. Slowly put surely I slipped into unconsciousness. I felt movement a few minutes later to find that she was petting my head in comfort...did I have a nightmare again? I slowly sat up and looked at her and told her thank you she just smiled at me and said your welcome very quietly. After our first date I thought everything was going great until my mom found out. She made me breakup with Frances even though I really didn't want to. I cried after having to do that I didn't want to date anyone else but I tried, I tried to date a guy to see if it would work but he just left bruises and he moved away. Then this year my freshmen year it's like a magnet pulling me toward her I never wanted to leave her side. This was impossible though cause I broke up with her. She would never want to talk to me again so I tried to stay away but that only made my feelings stronger for her. Everyday that I would see her I silently cursed myself and thought I'm never going to be able to talk to her again. One cause I was too afraid that I would be shut down and two me being bullied was already a problem in softball and it was over me being lesbian. Now I'm dating her and I don't know if she said yes to me because she wanted to or what. I think that she is upset and isn't telling me cause she just has that looks her eyes sometimes that look makes me want to just reach over and hug her. I slowly start to miss her every minuet she's not by my side. Of course I would never say this to her cause I literally start to shake everything around her and my breathe in my lungs leave my body to where I can't breathe. I just hope that one day I'll have the guts to talk to her about our relationship.. I wish I would remember more of our relationship from last year. I wish I can be that girl that she wants me to be but I know that I will never be her. I can try to be someone different if it makes her happy. I'll do anything if it makes her happy..Just seeing her smile lights up my whole world but she'll never know that cause I can't tell her. I'll never know what it's like to officially make her happy cause when I'm around it seems like she's always sad or something happens and I'm never there to help her. I wish I can drop everything in those type of moments and just rush to her and help her.. I mean Aaron helps her but I want to be there instead of him. I wish I could be there to hold her when she was crying or talking to her softly while she was having an anxiety attack. Sometimes though I don't know if she even wants me around I start to think a lot of bass things about myself when she doesn't look at me or talk to me. I always think first that I'm not even good enough to deserve her attention or voice.. To me Frances is a queen of all queens I would make her queen of everything she saw I would put her on the map and cure her of disease. She like the Alec to my Magnus, my Brendon Urie to my Ryan Ross.
I love you Frances with all my heart and if I ever show you this.. I hope I can be better
