The Life Of Destiny White {BOOK 1}

9. Am I Crazy?

My stomach began cramping and it wasn't even menstrual cramps it felt worse than that. I needed help but I wasn't sure if it was even necessary until I went to the bathroom and saw a whole lot of blood.

"I need to see a doctor" I said.

"Why?" the nurse asked

"I'm having weird cramps but I'm almost 3 months pregnant so I really need to see a doctor"

*hours later

My first one. All I could do was blame my addiction to drugs. I felt like I killed my own through all the stress and I can't get my baby back now. I loved someone who never got a chance at life nor even got a chance to be in my belly for 5 months at least. I never wanted to hear the words "you have had a miscarriage." I was willing to fix my life but I guess it was too late. What else could go wrong now?

"Can I please use the phone?" I asked the nurse.

"Why Ms. White?" she asked.

"I just lost my baby I need to let someone know" I said.

"Okay honey" she said and gave me the phone.

I called Mr. Williams and told him about my miscarriage. He was heartbroken just as much as I was. I wanted to be a mother, I wasn't ready for it but I wanted a mini me. "I need my bag" I said to myself trying to find the book bag I had with me. Mr. Williams did NOT throw away all of my drugs, I had some in my bag. I looked making sure nobody was coming towards my room. I went back inside and snorted cocaine. I sniffed so much that it became noticeable and I started acting very hostile. The nurses started thinking I was going crazy. One night I had a huge outburst because I was hallucinating and seeing things that were never there at all. 

I was taken into a mental institution and I was required to stay there for an extra 2 months including the 14 days that I had already did in rehab. I was put in a straitjacket which made me go even more crazy. I started throw huge temper tantrums and sometimes I wanted to kill myself but of course I couldn't because of the straitjacket and I remembered my promise of not attempting suicide ever again.

"I'm not f**king crazy" I yelled struggling in the straitjacket.

"You keep damaging yourself mentally and physically so you need to be checked out, there might be a reason you act like this" he said patiently.

"Are you trying to say I'm sick, I'm stressed f**k that mental sh**, get me out of this straitjacket before I show you crazy" I yelled.

"Don't make me put you to sleep already Destiny" he pulled a syringe out.

"F**k you" I said and he injected it in me and there I blacked out.

*the next day

"Breakfast is from 9:00 to 10:00, lunch is from noon to 1:00, and there is still group therapy from 3:00 to 4:00, and dinner is from 6:00 to 7:00" the doctor said as I was sitting there after waking up. They had good breakfast but they kept the lunch healthy. They had salads and other healthy food. I went in the line and waited as the line was moving very slowly. This almost reminded me of school. I missed school in a way. I was becoming antisocial again.

********

I was very silent for 18 days in the mental institution maybe I was mentally disturbed or maybe I was just really tired of this place. My hair was messy and my eyes looked black to other patients. I wasn't the only scary patient in the hospital. Some were physically beating themselves, some were having full conversations with themselves, I saw a bit of everything. I was worried because there were like 5 serial killers that were there. 

"Destiny you have to take your pills" the nurse said.

"I don't need them" the first words I spoke in a while.

The nurse still gave me pills.

"I just said I don't need this!" I angrily said and threw the pills back at her.

"Do you need an injection Ms. White??" she asked pulling her equipment out.

"No" I said slowly.

"Then take the pills!" she yelled.

I took the pills and went back to my room. I didn't need to be in a mental institution I really just needed anger management and therapy. Maybe the school should invest in that especially for me because I will come back no matter what. I just already knew that my fellow schoolmates were getting a kick out of this and Ms. Bass definitely didn't want me back in her school knowing that I was crazier than her. I wanted to get out that's all. Everything was white, my clothes were white, I never understood why everything was white in a mental hospital.

*A few hours later

"You have a visitor" the nurse said. I walked in looking like the most craziest person ever. My hair was messy and then I saw this absolute stranger.

"Who are you?" I said to the grown man.

"You don't recognize me at all?" he asked.

"No?" I said curiously.

"I use to carry you like when you were a few months old then I left your side"

"Like I'm really expected to know anything from when I was a few months old really who are you?" I asked again.

"You're so beautiful now...your mom really did you well"

"I'm going to ask you one more time who the heck are you????" I yelled.

"I'm your dad...your real dad" He said slowly.