Bond like Drops of Water

1

The court ministers of Kuni would say I plotted the downfall of our country from an early age. I would never be so arrogant as to think that, as a child, I organized the future so strategically, and so thoroughly. I left the fortune telling to the emperor's mystics. They did enough predicting of ominous disasters for us all.

My fortunes would not grant me the honor of a simple life. Unmei, the guiding spirit of fate, saw fit to place me as a consort, as I'd wished, but not in the way I wanted. I would be thrown into a more dangerous occupation than court balls and lovers of my choosing.

I had no choice as to my position. I got what I wanted in the end, but at the price of something far greater than I had planned.

I climbed the ranks as a woman spy and revealed the plot of war and the corruption amid our people.

Not that it did much good. My being there didn't alter our enemies' plans. I was simply a witness.

The damage would be irrevocable.

•

My hands were perfumed with the smell of fish and damp dirt. They would remain so from the moment I was old enough to carry fish off the boat, and cart them into town with the old mare, and for the rest of my life, I was convinced. It was the curse of being born of poor parents, and sealed my fate.

The smell of my hands were one of many undesirable traits that would make me unqualified to be a consort, concubine, or even a wife. I'd lined up for consideration at the age of four for annual inspections held at the local Doju, and like many girls, rejected in the first round.

Every year I returned to be judged, and every year, I was turned away. For this, I was often depressed, seeing no future for myself other than carrying fish forever, and not desiring it.

I dreamed of better things. It wasn't just the smell of my hands and the slimy fish I carried that made me long for something else. It was the way my parents worked tirelessly, day after day. It was the way my mother aged, thirty years old, and yet there was white in her hair, and lines around her lips and eyes. The sun took toll on her, leaving her with burns day after day, even as she did her best to cover herself with clothing. She couldn't tan properly, so her skin was always red. Her family farm was from the mountains, and her skin was porcelain like the snow that gathered every winter. Fair skin didn't do well under the direct light of sun through long hours, and she often went to sleep after bathing in aloe water.

I had her same skin, but I was often in charge of the market stall, while she was out on the docks and the market's thatched roof protected me from the long harsh sun-lit hours. When I wasn't at the market, I wore robes and a cloak that covered my hands, even through the long hot summers. There were days I almost fainted from heat, but my skin rarely burned, and it saved me a lot of pain.

The burns, the fish, the aging in my mother's face made me determined to find better for myself. The highest position for a woman at the time was to be a consort--I had no illusions that I could be an empress. The line of cousins and royalty for the emperor to marry was longer than the stacks of books in his own library. I would never make it.

I didn't even wish to be a high reigning concubine, where other women would be jealous, and seek to destroy me. I was well aware of the jealousy occurring when married to the emperor. I had no desire to be among the fight for attention.

A consort, however, was in control of her own house. A good one had a house the size of a palace, and was a guest to parties held by royal families across the globe. She could be selective as to who she bedded, or cast them away.