Soulless (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

XXVIII

XXVIII.
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Song of the chapter:
A 1000 Times by Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam
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How does he do this to me? I wondered. How is Justin so capable of making me say exactly what he wants to hear? How is Justin so capable of making me forget about why I'm actually here? It's not fair. I don't stand a chance.

Justin continued to kiss me. His hands explored my body for the second time that night, and I was okay with it. His body was on top of mine, and we just kissed. There was nothing more or less than that. At least, until my drunken thoughts got the best of me, and my hand slipped down to his member again.

He turned his head, and I began kissing his neck as I palmed him in my hand.

"Baby, we're drunk," he exhaled heavily due to what I was doing to him.

Baby.

I giggled, not stopping what I was doing. "I know that."

For a moment, he let me continue to do what I wanted with him. He allowed me to go as far as unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans in order to feel him through his underwear.

"Wait," he interrupted, pulling his head away so he was looking down at me. "I don't know if we should do this right now."

What? Justin Bieber isn't into taking advantage of drunk girls? God, what the fuck is wrong with him, then?

"Why not?" I played dumb.

"I don't want your first time doing this to be when you're drunk," he exhaled. "You should remember these kinds of things. Plus, you're really drunk. I don't want to take advantage of you. That's not fair."

God, he's so sexy when he talks like that.

I nodded. "You're right. We shouldn't."

Though he was doing the right thing, I couldn't help but feel discouraged about all of it. I wanted to learn, and I wanted him to be the one to teach me. Sex was improbable at that point, but I wanted to learn how to make him feel good for a change.

"Don't be sad," he giggled, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "Trust me, we'll do this again sometime."

Again, I nodded, but I didn't say anything. I wasn't quite sad or upset, just confused as to what it was that made girls hate him so much. He was doing everything right.

"You know," he said lowly. "There's stuff we have done before. If you want, we could do that."

He's talking about going down on me.

I shivered at the thought. I remembered his soft lips against me, his tongue inside of me, and the strong grip he had on me. It was a feeling too good for words.

However, instead of giving him what he wanted, I decided to play different cards.

"But baby, we're drunk," I teased.

He fought back a laugh by taking his bottom lip in between his teeth. "I like when you call me that. It's hot."

I giggled, leaning closer to his lips. My hands slid up to the side of his neck slowly, keeping him close to me. It was crazy how alcohol made people so bold. There was no filter on anything at all.

"Anything for you, baby." I let the words drip from my lips slower than ever.

"You drive me crazy," he breathed out. By his eyes I could tell he wanted to kiss me, and probably something else too, but he withheld. "You're so different. You're so sexy. You always know exactly what to say. Where have you been all my life?"

I always know exactly what to say? That's funny.

"I've been here the whole time. Maybe you just didn't look hard enough."

He swallowed, his eyes scanning mine so passionately. "Maybe because I didn't think there was anyone worth looking for. But I know now that I was wrong. Maybe I just needed to look a little harder."

Oh my god! Is there anything bad about him at all? I don't get it!

"I'm glad you did."

He nodded his head, moving so close that our lips were brushing. "Me too."

My heart was ready to jump out of my body. I wanted Justin more than I ever had in that moment. I wanted all of him, and that wasn't a drunk thought. It was one hundred and ten percent sober. I wanted him.

"Justin," I choked out, unable to wait any longer.

Instead of responding, he seemed to think he knew what I wanted. He kissed me softly, bringing me temporary relief. But I was greedy. I wanted more.

My hands tugged his hair as our kiss deepened more and more. I was so unbelievably needy after his words nearly knocked the wind out of me. Sure, they were just words, but he was intoxicated. Real things were slipping from his tongue whether he wanted them to or not.

"You're mine, okay?" he whispered against my lips. "Mine."

He moved into me again, but I stopped him. Instead, we just stared at each other for a moment. His chocolate brown eyes were glossy and slightly droopy from drinking, as mine probably were. It was hard to tell if what he was saying was real or not. Of course, I wanted it to be, but that didn't mean it was. It felt real. But I was unsure at that point.

"Justin--"

"I'm sorry," he exhaled. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No," I whispered, my eyes falling on his intense gaze. "I just-- I don't know if you're being for real or not."

He licked his lips and nodded. "Because of what you hear about me."

I shook my head. "Justin, I see it, too. I'm in the cafeteria when all of that bullshit happens. Do you think I'm oblivious?"

"No, but I thought you trusted me. I guess I was wrong."

Manipulative. Sociopath.

"I do," I gulped. "But I'm afraid. I don't know if I can trust you in that sense. Not yet, at least."

He almost seemed taken back by my words, as if no one had ever called him out on it before. That shocked me entirely, because I was so curious about it. Weren't the others?

"What do I have to do to get you to trust me, then?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Be persistent. Don't just get bored of me and leave when I don't fulfill whatever it is you need. Do you get where I'm coming from? I see all of that stuff, and I don't know what to think. This whole time we've been-- whatever it is that we are-- I've been so confused. I don't know what to believe and what not to."

"I get that. I do, but just trust me. You'll know everything soon. But for now, I need you to bear with me."

I shook my head. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He looked momentarily hesitant. He looked away from me quickly as if he was ashamed, but found my gaze again. "Something may happen on Monday at school in the cafeteria with someone else."
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a/n: soooooooooooooo did anyone watch 13 reasons why?? sooooooooo did you cry like a lil bitch like I did???? (the song of the chapter is from clay and hannah 's party scene goodbye nothing is fine)

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