Off guard

1974

Dear Diary,
I live in this Manor House. It's lifeless halls help me. They calm me. I and Luca celebrated our wedding anniversary tonight. It is definitely the strangest day I have had in a while. I had given away my daughter and realised that I am having a son. I gave birth to Zöe when I was 16, I couldn't have kept her. She will always be my precious baby, but I am as torn as Mother. However, Luca has high hopes for the future. For our son.

Thinking back to those nights with Dmitri in the greenhouse. I know they were wrong. But that doesn't mean I never felt anything for him. He had Mother's blue eyes, now I look back. One night in the greenhouse, he told me a story about a moon boy named Evan. Evan loved the Sun goddess so much he was shy, so during the day you can't still see the moon because Evan wants to get every single glimpse of her.

Luca likes the name Evan. Luca doesn't need to know where I came up with that.

Dmitri is far gone. I haven't seen him since that night. I miss him.
He had never told me about that Alexis girl in the end. She was above us all I remember him saying. I still wonder what that means.

I don't know if this house is sucking the life out of me. Luca promised it wouldn't. I trust Luca.
Luca let Zöe go today. It was hard on both of us.

Today we realised that life drags the life out of us, not this house. Life is full but it never stops and sometimes you cannot fulfil it.