Finding Home

Chapter 3

I sat down in my favourite, orchid coloured armchair in Ms. Lewis's office as she searched her desk for a tissue box. She found a coral box with triangle designs on the sides and handed it to me.
Once my tears paused from streaming down my face like a steady fall from the tap, Ms. Lewis bent down so she was eye level to me. "Are you alright Anna?" she asked. I nodded which was followed by a stream a fresh tears, then shook my head violently. "Ok, ok. Everything is going to be fine. Just take a couple deep breaths and we'll talk about it. Don't worry. You're fine Anna. Okay? Breathe."

Ms. Lewis sat there just shaking her head after I finished recounting to her all I'd just told AJ which seemed like hours ago. Ms. Lewis took a deep breath of her own and looked up at me. She smiled, but it was more of a tired, I'm sorry for you kind of smile. She didn't have to say a word for me to know what she had to say. She had to call the CSS. I just nodded and she picked up the plain, boring, black school phone and dialled a number I'd stared at hours on end and had memorized. I'd had so much time to spare when nice ladies would come pick me up and take me away to their offices to talk to me about my "situation". Hours of staring at bulletin boards advertising classes for child safely, babysitters courses and parenting classes just to mention a few while waiting outside their doors. Right in the middle each of these boards was a large, boldly-printed number. A sign that said, "Child Safely Services Telephone Number: 402-CSS-Help". It wasn't hard to remember and I don't think it was for Ms. Lewis either. She punched in each digit so swiftly I didn't have time to think over what was happening. I was being taken away from Mama. My Mama. My only family. I right then and there, fully realized what was about to happen. I was going to be taken away from her, it wasn't just a warning this time. It was really happening.
I began to cry. I sobbed as if I was all by myself under my covers invisible and inaudible to others, crying like no one was there. I wasn't even embarrassed. I couldn't be taken away from her! She's my Mama! Ms. Lewis's voice started to speak, but all it sounded like was a muffle like those adults in Charlie Brown and I didn't catch a sentence she said. All of got was a second tissue box because the first had run out. I imagined how many bins full of tissue boxes you must go through when you're the school councillor. Then next thing I felt was Ms. Lewis's soft hand rubbing my back and helping me up. "Anna, I know it's a lot to take in right now, but we need to move to a different place. You're mother is on her way here and currently we don't know what will happen if she sees you. She may try take you or not. We don't know, but just to take precautions, we're going to drive you to the CSS offices. I am going to drive you there. Anna. Look at me.". I slowly brought my head up to meet hers. She wiped away the never pausing flow of tears running apace down my bright as pink lemonade on a hot summers day face. Ms. Lewis handed me another tissue and I blew my nose. "You. Will. Be. Fine. Anna. I promise. Now, come with me. We're going to get you somewhere safe."
I didn't even reply or shake my head in response. I just let her take hold of my hand and lead me outside the building and to her car.

When we walked into the CSS west entrance it was completely scarce of people besides the receptionist in the corner who looked up when the door had flung open. Gently, Ms. Lewis ushered me over to the receptionist. Ms. Lewis smiled. The receptionist lady smiled. I studied a wrapper on the floor.
Ms. Lewis open her mouth,"We're here to see Katherine Lopez. This is Anna.". The lady smiled again and moved her eyes to her computer screen. She scrolled her mouse, then appearing to have found what she was searching for, glanced back up at me. "Anna Bowers?". I stammered a response that somewhat resembled a yes and she nodded. "Okay. You may take a seat.". Then turning to Ms. Lewis she said, "Are you her legal guardian?". Ms. Lewis seemed to ponder on the for a bit then tried, "For the moment yes. The current legal guardian can't be present.". She emphasized the can't. The nice receptionist lady seemed to understand what she meant very quickly and handed a clipboard to Ms. Lewis. "We do have a file on her here if you don't know or can't access the information needed. The form is really just to see if anything has changed.", the lady added. Ms. Lewis bent her head to meet the lady's head and whispered something into her ear before coming to sit next to me. I'd chosen a bright yellow leather love seat. It was the colour of my rain boots before rain season began. Bright, sunny and happy. I sat right across the tilted, decorated for spring bulletin that was festooned with courses, adds, business cards and other advertisements. Right dead centre like in every other CSS office space I'd been in was the CSS Help number. Beside me was table overflowing with magazines dated back years ago. I picked one up that was called Today's Parent. The first article was called "How To Become Your Child's Best Friend". Tears fought to be released from my eyes, but I squeezed them shut and breathed calmly till I knew they were gone and wouldn't return. I was done with crying and it made me look weak and simply pathetic. I casually flipped through the rest of the magazine not reading, just glancing over pages, not remember a single other article then that first one. It hurt so bad, but at the same time it didn't. I was her daughter. Not her friend, but that's okay, right? Daughters can't be friends with their parents, can they? No. Well, AJ's really close to her Mum. So maybe ... -I decided to stop thinking about being best friends with Mama. I turned my attention to what was at stake, they couldn't remove her from my life, could they? She was trying her best, wasn't she? She was probably being the best parent she could be under the circumstances. Right? I was a little mad at her, but how could I be. She'd drunk too much and forgotten me. It wasn't the first time. I couldn't be mad at her for that one mess up. Except it wasn't one, it was a zillion. Still, I couldn't be upset with her. Daughters are never supposed to have hate for their mothers. I couldn't and wouldn't have hate for mine.
Someone shook me awake from my the debate I was having in my head by calling out my name,"Anna Bowers!"
A women with hair the colour of carrots was standing by an oak wood door. She was looking straight at us or more accurately, me, with a small smile on her face. I turned around to see why she wasn't searching around the room and realized we were the only ones here. I got to my feet and swivelled around to wait for Ms. Lewis, but she didn't get up with me. She put the clipboard she'd been filling out in my hands and almost whispered, "I'm sorry Anna. I'd love to come in with you, but I can't. Besides you are the one who needs to be in there, not me.". I was about the protest when it became clear to me that whatever I said or did, Ms. Lewis still wouldn't come in with me. I frowned at the ground and ever so slightly nodded my head yes. I slumped over to the orange-haired lady and went through the door she held open.