They Might Be Short Stories (TMBG Tribute Stories)

The Statue Got Me High

Edit: These first two chapters are kinda shitty. I'll keep them in for now as they have some decent ideas.

My girlfriend dragged me into the building. "Come on, John! You promised!"

I rolled my eyes. If going to some stupid art museum was the price to pay for a fun night with my girlfriend, I should have stayed a virgin. But here I was, forced to go through some boring museum that didn't even allow us to take pictures. I mean, what kind of art museum doesn't allow you to take pictures?!?! Paranoid twats...

She dragged me further into the building, and I found myself standing in a colossal room the size of a cathedral filled with large statues and paintings. There was one painting in particular that I found interesting, and it was of a woman with no clothing holding a hot dog. The woman must've had a poor taste in toppings, because she had put mustard and relish on the hot dog. What a waste of a perfectly good piece of food.

"John?"

My girlfriend's voice cut through my thoughts like a knife through butter. I glanced over at her. She giggled when she saw my confused expression. "Stop daydreaming and check this statue out!"

I strode over to her and looked up at the gigantic statue of a well endowed man standing as if he were the king of everything. He probably was, with a schlong like that!

"What do you think?"

I stared at the statue's junk. "He's got a nice package!"

My girlfriend snorted. "Get your mind out of the gutter! This statue is supposed to symbolize Man, in all of his beauty! Now, come on, stop staring at his junk and let's go!"

I couldn't stop staring. I tried to move my head, but I couldn't. It was like I was suddenly paralyzed by the statue.

"John?"

I tried to move my mouth to answer her,  but it wouldn't move.

"John, I'm talking to you!"

I kept on staring. My head felt warmer, and I started to hear voices, as if the statue was trying to say something. 

"John!"

I couldn't take my eyes off of the statue's package. I could hear the stone talk to me, but I couldn't make out the words. My head felt like it was boiling.

"John! Talk to me, damn it!"

I could finally understand what the statue was saying, and I didn't want to leave anymore. I wanted to stay here forever. My head felt like it was on fire.

"John, this is it! We're through!"

I no longer cared. The statue was the only thing that I cared about now. And the voices, oh the voices! They were like a professional choir of schoolchildren, but even more angelic!

My girlfriend stormed off, crying. I didn't try to follow her, as I was still captivated in the statue.

Suddenly, I felt a searing pain. My head felt like it was stretching outwards, and I could feel my skin rapidly start to rip. I started to lose consciousness as the people around me watched in horror. The last thing I could feel before my mind fell into the void was my head violently exploding as if it was a bomb, and the statue finally fell silent.