"Are you angry at me?"
Rayven mumbled almost in what seemed like an innocent way as Jewel shock her head looking at Rayven with complete and utter confusion. "No why would I be?"
"Because...I don't know...you seem angry.."
"Well, I'm sorry if I ever seem angry. I'm never angry at you.."
Rayven fell silent, thinking for a moment staring blankly at Jewel, thinking briefly how beautifully well her eyes contrasted with her long dark hair. "Tell me you love me..?"
Jewel sighed softly, they've been through this thousands and thousands of times already but Rayven just liked to hear her say it. "Rayven, I love you. You just have to believe me that I do, when I tell you I do.." Rayven thought for a moment eyes meeting Jewel's blankly and Jewel knew already what she was going to ask, it was the same every time. "Why?" Jewel shrugged lightly, not really sure how to answer. She did love her, really. There wasn't a reason, she just did. "I just do, believe me when I tell you I do. I actually can't think of anymore reason other than just because." Rayven nodded slowly pondering on that thought before staring at the ceiling as she seemed to drift off into a world of her own, falling silent. Sometimes she did that, often saying half her sentances out loud and the rest in her head. "You have nice eyes." She smiled as she switched her gaze from the window to meet Jewel's eyes.
Jewel frowned and shook her head quickly. "No I don't, I like your eyes better. They're calming." Rayven smiled softly before rolling her eyes gently. "But brown is so boring." Jewel shook her head again. "Its me that sees your eyes, you can't see your own eyes and I like your brown eyes." Rayven nodded, deciding she had enough and just didn't want to argue about things like this anymore. She wasn't really tired but it was getting late and she really wanted Jewel to sleep. "Yeah...Okay, I'm going to sleep..." Rayven mumbled uncertainly wondering if Jewel would, but thankfully Jewel agreed.
A few hours went by and Jewel suddenly jolted awake wondering what had made her wake up. It took her a few seconds as her muddled brain struggled to work out what was missing but then she realised, Rayven wasn't there. "Rayven?" She yelled out, a edge of worry to her voice as she sat up. A loud thump from the bathroom made Jewel get out of bed and wonder to the bathroom, first she knocked on the door but there was no answer. "Rayven, open the door. What are you doing?" She twisted the door handle softly but no luck, it was locked from the inside. "Open the door." Jewel repeated sternly now starting to feel more worried. "No." Rayven answered simply from inside, her voice muffled and hoarse like she'd been crying a lot. "Ray, please. Open the door, now." Jewel twisted the door knob again, starting to feel a little frantic, turning it harder making it rattle loudly. "No." Jewel stopped falling silent, listening trying to work out what it was she was doing. But there were no sounds.
"Jewel..? Are you angry at me?" Rayven mumbled, making Jewel strain to hear her speak.
"I will be, if you don't open the door." Jewel shooked the door handle again like she was trying to make a point.
"I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I've done something terrible and you're going to hate me."
"What have you done..? I won't hate you. Are you okay? Open. Now." Jewel started to feel more panicked, hoping Rayven hadn't done what she was thinking. "Please open the door. What are you doing?"
There was a light click and the door opened a thin gap and then slowly began to swing open, spreading blinding bright light across the darkned room. Rayven sat stiffly on the toilet, staring at the ground, hands limp on her lap, her features blank and deathly pale. "Rayven...Are you okay..?" Jewel frowned stepping up to Rayven carefully almost like she was scared of startling her. She caught the sight of a stainless steel knife in the sink and swallowed dryly. Jewel's eyes linger on Rayven's arms but they were covered up with a jacket. She must of done something like that...or else she wouldn't look so guilty. "Ray...Please...Show me." Jewel mumbled hesitating, touching Rayven's hand gently, her hand feeling cool and clamy to the touch. Which isn't a good sign, considering Rayven always felt hot to Jewel. But she didn't pull away so Jewel took that as a 'it's okay to keep going'. "Come on, take your jacket off for me.." She mumbled mostly talking to herself, trying to calm herself, preparing herself for what she would see under as she took the jacket off of Rayven as she sat still, almost unresponsive to Jewel.
What she was underneith the jacket made her stomach twist in knots of disgust. Vibrant red streaks covered her arms, all of them cuts. None of them were very deep, but they bled like crazy because Rayven is basically anaemic and had the immune system to match. Jewel felt sick, unable to look at them she turned away, trying to slow her breathing, to make that sick feeling go away. "Do you hate me?" Rayven asked timidly staring at Jewel a confused look on her face. Jewel shook her head before anxiously asking in a low voice. "Are there any more?" Rayven paused for a second before shaking her head ashamed.
Without another word Jewel pulled some toilet paper from the roll, dampened it with water from the tap and started to wipe away the smeared blood. Rayven winced but she didn't pull away or complain like she usually would. Wiping at the wounds had made them bleed more so Jewel decided not to, instead she wrapped bandages tightly around them, hoping that would stop the bleeding. As Jewel was binding the horrific cuts, she suddenly felt a drop of water hit her hand and she flickered her eyes up to temporarily look at Rayven and realised, she was crying. Immediately her eyes started to tear up unable to hold it back any longer, tears spilt from her eyes. It hurt, when Rayven did things like this, it hurt her that she couldn't really help and she didn't understand why she was doing this to herself. "Don't cry." Rayven suddenly said out of the blue, making her jump a little. Jewel's vision is blurred and made everything seem pixelated looking from tears but she can tell from the tone of Rayen's voice she felt guilty and confused. "Rayven, silly, why do you do this to yourself?" She mumbled voice quivering as she squeezed Rayven's fingers looking for something, reassurance maybe. Or just an answer. "I don't understand." Rayven shrugged looking so terribly ashamed of herself. "I don't know..."
"Does it help?"
"Yes?" She tilted her head slightly unsure of her answer, to be honest...nothing really helped but catching the saddened look on Jewel's features she knew she'd answered it wrong.
"Does it really?"
"...No..."
"Then why. Tell me why you do this?" Jewel demanded as Rayven flinched, pulling her hand away from Jewel with a torn look on her face as she shrugged again before meekly staring at the ground. "I don't know."
"Tell me why...Please..." Jewel begged, her eyes brimming with tears again as she reached for Rayven's hand and then stroking it gently, knowing that doing that would calm her.
"But I really don't know..."
"Please."
Rayven shook her head starting to cry again, feeling more confused and some how alone. "I don't know..." Jewel sighed giving up as she nodded before sniffing softly. "Okay...Can you walk? You must be cold...Come on, lets go back in bed..." Rayven said nothing as she let herself be lead back to bed. This time Jewel held onto Rayven firmly, not wanting her to wonder off again. "Rayven, please stop doing that...Its really bad..." Jewel muttered snuggling into Rayven and Rayven nodded lightly in return. "Tell me you love me?" Jewel was running her fingers up and down Rayven's arm gently, in attempt to get her to calm down as she murmured quietly. "I love you."
