I love him.
I love his big warm hands that comfort me when life weighs me down.
And how his soft fingers comb through my hair.
I love his arms that give me the best bear hugs that smother all the bad things away.
I love his broad back that's always behind me, pushing me further ahead.
And how, when I look back at him, he seems determined to take on the world for me.
I love how his legs wait for me to get to him, and how they match my small gait.
I love his lips that would form into this goofy grin after telling a joke.
And how he would wait for me to finish speaking before he did, even if it was a trivial thing.
I love his tanned cheeks that caused the laughter lines by his eyes to crinkle when he smiled.
I love his voice that I could listen to for ages and ages without getting tired of it.
And how his infectious laughter just made everything better.
I love how his eyes sparkled when he looked at me, knowing he would never part from me if he could.
I love how when he put the ring onto my finger, he had neatly styled his constant bedhead.
So when I found out, I was overjoyed.
But I didn't know if I could hold out that long.
Some days, it felt like this sense of dread filled my bones with lead, weighing me down.
Other times it felt like there was nothing worth living for.
But none of that compared to those days.
Those days felt as if I was drowning on dry land, no one to help me.
I knew it was just temporary, that it would fade when I saw you.
That just hearing your voice would cheer me up.
But even if it was temporary, that didn't lessen it.
I stopped myself so many times.
For you.
For our child.
But every time I stopped myself, those days grew stronger and heavier.
Until one day, it was too much.
I knew how much it would hurt you.
Those warm hands that I love would be trembling, never to comfort me again.
Those arms that I love would never be able to hug me again.
That broad back that supported me would seem small with grief.
Those legs that pushed forward would fail you, and you'd sink to your knees.
That goofy grin that I love wouldn't appear for along time.
Those tanned cheeks would be sunken from sleep deprivation.
That voice that I love would crack with sorrow when speaking about me.
Those eyes that I love would be filled with sadness, but a sparkle of hope would be found.
If you searched for it.
Because this is my last gift to you.
My legacy will be passed down through you and our child.
And although I wish to see our child grow up, I do not wish him to see me on those days.
It is foolish and selfish, I know.
But if our child has you to bring them up, he will make the world a gentler place.
I will watch over you two, from wherever I may end up.
My love, please find happiness.
Whether it be from falling in love again, or raising our child.
My darling child, please do not follow in your mother's footsteps.
May you find someone whom you will take on the world for.
May you find comfort in just spending time with them.
I will always watch over you two.
You two are forever loved, no matter what.
