Something Sad

School, People, Time; It all moves on

I used to think that friends would be there forever

but I ended up being wrong

I realized it when I was young, when I didn't think life was bad

I realized it when my first best friend moved away

and then another.

They all went away, sooner or later.

Moving to a different school leaving me,

never to move, change schools with them, or anything.

Either because of their family or...

whatever.

They always left me here to make more friends and I never really seemed to have a true, always there, friend.

I mean, yeah, sure I have other friends but I have never had that special one person who would be there for me. 

Most of my other friends have either annoyed me to the point I want to ignore them

or to the point they have made me think twice about everything.

And I can't trust to talk to them about my problems 

or to keep any deep secrets.

Some of my close friends I really trusted have failed me;

they ignored me and made new friends.

I just wished that I had a friend, a best friend.

I want to have that someone I can trust 100%,

I want to be able to tell them all my deep secrets,

and I want to stay with them forever.

But I've never had that,

I was only given temporary best friends

who moved away 

and friends that 

I can't really trust.

I've always seen all my other friends have fun

hanging out at houses,

playing games,

going to concerts,

doing anything that I can't do.

And I'm always envious and become sad

I realize that I've never really had that fun, 

to hang out and enjoy my teen years with my friends,

to have my weekends full with spending my time with friends.

And so seeing all those other people have fun reminds me of how sad my life has been,

staying behind a computer screen for so long,

parents telling me to do something else with my life when I can't.

It makes me upset.

Unsatisfied. 

And it makes me realize that's how life is,

you can't always get what you want,

you have to earn it.