It started with a 'Tease'.
My friends says that I had a crush on this guy and that is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Nope, I don't have a crush on him. They continue to make fun of us until they announced that we had a monthsary. Literally my jaw dropped when I saw a 'funny' video of them greeting us in our 'first monthsary' that I didn't know we had.
Months had passed until the teasing event ends. We became awkward and then friends again and then awkward again or it is only me? Aissh!
One day I heard a rumor that he's courting a girl from our department but not too serious. I was shocked because the girl they're talking about is the girl whom I never thought he will court. That girl was my not so close friend but we always talk to each other. That girl whom I talked to about this guys. That girl.
Friends are asking, what if he fall for me or I fall for him and I said, 'No. he's not my type.'. That's what I've been saying the whole time they were teasing us. Long time ago I set my mind not to fall because they say, 'The more you tease them, the more they might have a chance that they fall for each other.' That's what they say and I say 'It will never gonna happen. Because I already talked to my systems not to fall for this guy.' But as the time passed by the more I get confused! There were so many 'what ifs' and there's a lot of questions that's bothering my mind.
They're so sweet. The guy starting not only like her but to love her and pursue her.
I tried to avoid this guy but the fate won't let me. Funny. I forgot that we're on the same department so how can I avoid him? Haha.
Last month his girlfriend was assigned to another department and that what makes me happy. You wanna know why? Because if she's around I get annoyed and feel like she's looking at me from behind and wants to stub me a hundred times. Paranoid right?
As the girlfriend is not around, the happy-annoying-bully friends are still active on asking us if we still have a feelings for each other. We just laugh and go with the flow with what is happening. I say, 'yeah. But it's too too late. I've been hurt a lot of times and what can I do he has a girlfriend now!' acting like I'm in pain and here they go again, teasing and laughing all the way out of there ass. He then asked me, 'Did you fall for me?' He innocently asked. I laughed and say, 'ofcourse not. That was a joke.'
I can't remember when did it start aching. I feel like an arrow is striking my heart. They're teasing us and honestly it hurts me inside. So many questions, so many why! 'Why it has to be her?', 'Why not me?', 'Why I am hurting?', 'Why do I have to fall?', 'Why I am always looking for him?', 'WHY?!'. So many WHYS.
I hate myself for not being brave enough to admit that I fell for that guy and now I only have my 'WHYS' to keep in my mind.
The only thing I need to do is to distance myself not to be hurt anymore but I hate it when I keep looking at his back. The back of him that will never be turning back on me to see me.
Now that everything's clear to me, all I need is to focus in my career and go on with my life. I have lots of friends to love and to be with. What more can I say if they're always making me happy!
I may be unlucky today but surely God has a plan for me in the near future.
This is me saying that we can fall for a hundred times but not too much and Love can wait anytime but the age doesn't. LOL!
I am THE GIRL WHO FELL FROM THE TRAP of LOVE. The love that I will never be felt by that someone.
Thanks to him, Ive learned.
-Looorayne
