Pain and Death

Pain rampaged through my body, as my captors’ belt landed on my unprotected body. Each lash of his belt left a trail of fire and blood in its wake. Why did I speak? I knew he might do this to me, yet I spoke anyway. I wish he had killed me the day I was left here; I wish he would shoot me like he always threatens to do.  It’s strange, I feel cold. My eyes are heavy and I can feel myself being pulled from consciousness.

The weak light of the rising sun pierces through the filth covered windows like a knife through flesh. It’s sharp and slightly painful. Then everything sinks in, my heart races so fast I can see it through my chest. I can hardly breathe as the fear of past and future events wrap around me. I look around the room to make sure I am alone and then let out a sigh of relief when at least one of my prayers is answered.  Realising the house is empty; I begin to stand on unsteady legs. My body cramps, aches and screams in protest but I ignore it. I have work that I must complete before my tormentor returns.  I search the room for my ill-fitting clothes only to find torn scraps of fabric in a pile by the door. I have nothing else to wear but I have to get on with my chores.

My stomach growls as I scrub the floors in the kitchen, my mind continuously drawn to the food in the cupboards that surround me. It seems like years since I last ate and months since I last drank. Reality is a harsh mistress; she always pulls me from the safety and comfort of my thoughts, reminding me that I am nothing but a worthless object men like to use and discard whenever it suits them. The smell of industrial cleaners burn the inside of my nose as the chemical itself burns my hands and legs. I wish there was something better than this. My heart sinks in my chest as eyes dig into my back. I whip my head around praying it’s not him. I should know better. He is the only one who knows how to get to this place. I look him in the eye silently begging him to leave me alone. His hands grab my throat and I am pulled from the ground. I look at him again in a hope that he’ll put me down and leave me to get on with my chores but my pleading eyes go un-noticed. He throws me against the hard stone wall and then it all goes dark.

My body is limp. My hands and feet are bound in chains and I am surrounded by darkness. I summon all the strength in my aching body and stretch out my legs but I can’t. My mind goes blank, and then the panic sets in. The scent of dirt and blood fill my nose. Once again tears begin to fill my eyes at the thought of what he may have done to me, but I refuse to let them fall. I never thought I would be buried alive or that my end would come so swiftly. I calm myself so that I don’t waste what little air that my yet be left in this small wooden box. I close my eyes and try to think of something else while I wait for death. Death will not come for me, not this day. The engine of my captor’s old, beaten van begins to roar and my hope of freedom quickly fades. He is moving me. I pray that God will end this cruel joke that is my life before he has the chance to do it his way. That is all I can pray for now, a quick death.

Ice cold water soaks my torso as I am pulled to consciousness. I can feel my heart racing, my head is pounding in my ears and I can’t catch my breath. My eyes are blurred and all sound has been blocked out as the pounding in my head falls into the same rhythm as my heart beat. It’s like a drum that’s getting louder and louder the more I try to breath.  My head snaps to one side and I can feel a white hot pain in the right side of my jaw. Blood slowly fills my mouth. I don’t have the strength in me to spit it out so I let my lower jaw drop. Blood pools out of my mouth coating the ground beneath me, staining it a dark red colour. I look up to see small planes flying above me and memories from past months become clear.

My mind finally pieces together what was happening.  We’re moving, far away by what I can tell. We’re outside the airport terminal.  I don’t try to hide my fear or stop the tears from falling down my face as I am forced into the dog cage that I will travel in. What did I do to deserve this life? Death couldn’t come soon enough. I let my eyes close and let sleeps take me.

The air is thick causing me to gasp for air. Curious, pale shadows surround me. My breathing is becoming quick, sharp and painful. The darkest shadow in the room steps forward blocking what little light I can see. He kneels down whispering soft words of comfort as he opens the crate door. I freeze, curling up against the back of the crate in a failed attempt to hide myself. They know I’m there I can feel their eyes upon me. The large, dark shadow kneels directly in front of the crate and stretches out his arm, still whispering those soft words of comfort. My mind is clouded with hope and I stretch out my hand, brushing it against his. He grabs it and pulls me towards him. I kick and scream and try to pull away but his grip around my wrist is too strong. Light blinds me. Big strong arms wrap around me as I let out a loud scream. A hand cups the back of my head gently pushing my face into his chest as I cry. Kindness like this should not exist.

I feel my shaking body being lowered to the ground. Perched on the man’s lap, I pull my legs closer to my body, curling into a ball, I keep my eyes tightly closed, not wanting this dream like sensation to end. The time passes so fast I lose track but I am suddenly awaken when an unfamiliar hand is placed on my shoulder causing excruciating pain. A tsunami of fear washes over me. I flinch away from the touch and begin to struggle, kick and scream but large arms wrap around my small frame keeping me still. I feel a slight pinching feeling in my upper thigh. My body goes unnaturally heavy. I can feel the blood run down my back from my failed attempt to get away but I’m not in any pain. I try to scream but all that comes out is a small whimper. I can’t tell if I’ve fallen asleep or if I’m still awake. Everything is a blur of light and sound. But the same words play in my head. Words I never thought I’d hear. “You’re safe now child. No one will hurt you.”      

Everything stops moving, but nothing is clear. There’s a blinding light above me, burning my eyes. I close them in a vain attempt to lessen the glare. Everything is still heavy but I have enough will left in me to attempt to run. I roll on my side and try to sit up but I am forced back down by large hands. I look directly at them but they’re a blur of colour, it’s disturbing to think of what they might do to me. A murmur of sound pulls me from my thoughts. A single light shines brightly in my right eye, moves away, comes back before moving to my left. More murmuring, more lights and then everything starts to move. A mask is placed over my mouth. My breathing is frantic but I don’t feel any pain, everything goes numb, my mind is blank. I stare at the figures before me. A vibrant light shines above me consuming my every fear.  Darkness surrounds me, holding me, consuming me then; loving darkness turns to a cold, rough, rope, binding me, suffocating me. Death has finally arrived.