Letters of my Life

To the Boy who never loved me, and taught me how to be selfless (AB)

I guess I should be writing to express my disappointment. That I should tell you that it hurts me that you can't love me the way I love you, that I wish we could be more and you're missing out on a hell of a girl but that's not what I want to get off my chest.
You see, you're a light in a dim world and in a sea of souls that always seem familiar you stand out. I've watched you change right in front of my eyes, from being a bit of prick to becoming a decent person and I feel proud of you.
I had no intentions of developing feelings for you. No intentions of seeing you as anything more than my neighbor who I occasionally slept with. Just for fun. No strings attached. At first it was easy because you were a fucking jerk.
You were the type of guy who would seduce a girl just to brag to your friends about your last lay. I don't see why I was ever attracted to you in the first place, but you have an undeniable charm which you used fully to your advantage.
You were the last guy I ever expected to love, but love you I do. However, I'm used to guys returning my feelings. Most of my boyfriends have claimed they loved me within the first few days of our relationship. Perhaps that what made you so intriguing to me at first. The way you treated me like I was just anybody. The way you made it a challenge for me. You stopped me from becoming completely arrogant and forgetting how to truly love someone.
At first I tried to leave you alone, cut you off. However, the second you'd contact me I wouldn't hesitate to reply. I used to question it. I used to drive myself crazy wondering "why you?" Why did I want the one guy who would never take me serious? The one guy who won't love me back.
Eventually I came to the realization that I would never want to be in a relationship with you. I feel like being with you would drive crazy. So I questioned what I wanted from you. What these feelings were and I realized that it's just love for you. Plain and simple and that I truly didn't need or even want you to love me back. I just enjoy caring about you.
You're an amazing person and I care about you from the bottom of my heart. I don't want to be with you but I want such good things for you and I want to be around to see them happen for you.
This is a type of love that I've never felt before. A love that is definitely romantic in nature but completely selfless. I don't want to claim you. I don't want to hold you back and it's not in me to ever tell you how I really feel.
I know who you are. I know how you work. If you wanted me then you'd get me. You're a Nike guy, and believe in the whole Just Do It campaign. You would make Shia LaBeouf proud. So I'm gonna keep loving you, and you're gonna keep living your life and we're both gonna be happy. That's what I want for us.
For the first time in my life I understand that whole quote about how if you really love someone their happiness comes before your own and how you'd want them to be happy even if it wasn't with you because honestly if you found a sweet girl, and fell for her, I would be genuinely happy for you. You deserve love and I really hope you don't question it when it finds you and you just go after her. Trust me if I find someone who I actually want to be with and can love just as much, I'm gonna be with him and I wouldn't be able to love him properly if I hadn't learned how to love someone who doesn't love me back.
So thank you. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself and life.