That one word means the world to me. Why you may ask? That's simple, I've never been thin, all I really want is to be happy. Being thin would help me love my body, at least I hope it will . I fully intend to do anything to be thin. I'm sick and tired of being fat. I know you probably think I'm shallow. I'm really not. If you didn't already guess I have an eating disorder. At least that's what the doctor say, I think I'm too fat to have an eating disorder. When I look in the mirror I want to cry. I will not eat. I'm too fat to eat. I'll exercise instead I run twice a day every day. I do yoga twice a week, but I'm still fat. I only drink water and green tea, I just want to hide in my room until I'm thin. I feel like I'll be fat forever. Gaining weight terrifies me. Everyone says my weight is unhealthy I obviously know that my weight is unhealthy. I'm trying to lose it so I can be healthy. If I just don't eat the problem will be fixed. I'm so fat, that's why I'm all alone. It's the reason I don't have friends. I'm not good enough why can I just be thin ? Everything would be easier if I was thin. I will keep trying my hardest to get thin. Nobody understands that this is the only thing that will make me happy. It's all I want. I will get there if it's the last thing I do. I deserve to be happy for once in my life. I deserve happiness. So I'll do anything to achieve that happiness. I don't care what anyone says, I won't give up. I can never give up. I want to be able to swim in public without being self conscious.I want to go to school and not feel everyone staring at me. I wish I was naturally thin like some of the people at my school. I'm not lucky enough to be naturally thin. I have to work for it. My parents keep saying they're worried about my weight, even they're concerned about me being too fat. People have tried to tell me I'm thin but I know that's bullshit I know I'm a fat ass but at least I'm trying to fix it I honestly don't know how I'm still fat. The scale must be broken because it says I'm 85 pounds, that's impossible with how fat I am. I'm so useless, I can't even get thin by starving myself. I would kill myself but I want to leave a good-looking corpse. I used to have friends before I started trying to get thin, but then they left me. They said they couldn't watch me kill myself. I don't need them. I need friends who support me. I don't want to be the fat friend anymore so they left me. Nobody talks to me anymore. I'm alone. Why can't they just understand that I want to be thin? This is the most important thing in the world to me. I used to play sports, but as I got fatter they just got harder. I started passing out while practicing, it's still happens sometimes when I run. I'll never tell my parents they would lecture me that it's unhealthy. I just want one person to support me. That's all I need. You probably don't care about this. I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Xavier Mathis. I'm a 16-year-old boy. The doctor said I have anorexia.
