Behind The Mask

Chapter 12

Anouk’s POV

Waking up the next morning…yeah, the next morning after my moronic attempt. With Michael sleeping in the chair by my bedside. He didn’t even go to lie down on the inflatable bed. What am I doing to this guy? This is so messed up. I cannot drag his life from one major crisis to another. He’s got shit of his own to deal with. And I don’t want any more confrontations – I just suck at them. What you don’t talk about doesn’t exist for you. That’s the gist of it. Avoid confrontations.

I shift a little and Michael also wakes up with a jolt.

“Hey…morning…How are you feeling?”

“Good morning. I am alright, thank you.”

I guess he felt the distance in my voice. I’m pushing him away and he knows it from my words. But this time I won’t waver.

“What is wrong, Anouk?”

“Nothing. Thank you for the effort of…staying with me last night. But I’m quite alright now.”

“Why do I have the feeling that you are figuratively showing me the door?”

“I would like some privacy to get washed and dressed.”

“Oh…oh, sure! Erm…what do you want to do today?”

“I think I will rest and read a book.”

Yes, don’t give him opportunities to try and change your mind! That’s what I have to do. I see his eyes slanting a little. He picks up the edge in my voice. Damn, this is where I need to be strong. The moment he detects I’m pushing him away, he’ll start his stalking or tender techniques all over again. I can give in to these things.

“Anouk...” a sigh, “Nooki don’t do this. I don’t want to start from square one again with you...”

“Then don’t start at all. For all purposes, this is a mistake. And the more time we spend before we both acknowledge it, the messier it gets. I...I can’t reciprocate...whatever you want. It doesn’t work....Sorry.”

His eyes are no longer slanted, but very large, very dark and very insistently staring right at me. I push my hair behind my ears and sit up a little more. Many people told me that blue eyes can be very cold and intimidating. Damn, I need my eyes to be like that right now. I try to stare him back, chill him into giving up. But he just stares at me. His lips are pressed together and his jaw looks mighty tight.

“Right....you can’t reciprocate. That’s precious...mighty precious coming from the woman who was rubbing herself all over me on the dance floor just two nights ago! That’s a downright lie, Anouk! Perhaps right now you’re trying to force yourself to believe that shit, but I don’t! You can’t reciprocate, my ass!”

I look down at my hands worrying the sheet between my fingers. What can I say to that? I remember how perfect our bodies were together, dancing to that maddening beat, fusing and grinding together, how natural every spin and dip had felt. He tugged at my hand, gripped my hip and my body would twist in his arms. He commanded my every move to perfection. Hell, at one point some people stopped dancing just to look at us! Who am I trying to lie to? I don’t believe a word coming out of my mouth. But I have to do this.

“Please...I’d like to be alone now. You need a proper rest in your bed.”

“Touching, how you care about my health and abuse yours. Anouk, you need to stop being your worst enemy. I mean it.”

“Then let me be! Leave me alone once and for all! Enjoy your vacation here, but stay away from me!” I blurt out.

It took everything in me to say it, but it had to be said. He shakes his head and heads for the door. Good, he got the point! His hand is on the door knob, but he suddenly turns around, determination etched on his face.