Dear Danielle,
You deserve to read this, you deserve to know the truth. We have been together a few times, and only really met once. It was fun, it truly was, for a while I thought you were what I wanted. A girl that is passionate about her man, one that takes interest in what hes doing, who hes talking to and all the rest. To be honest, its what I thought I wanted after Renee, someone who gave very little shits about me, and was the very opposite of emotional. You were her polar opposite, you liked holding hands, you believed in Love, you showed emotion, there was genuine affection when I talked to you. When we were together, I'll say, you were by far the best I've ever had, no one can do what you could do. You brought out the freaky side of me, the side that was into all the stuff you wanted me to do. I guess you can say I molded that aspect of myself into what you wanted. I guess I'm just like that, I take shape of what you want, rather than let you have me as I am.
However, a few days before we broke up, you'd posted something on my snap, I couldn't see it, I didn't have access to it, but you had all my passwords, I didn't think it was anything weird, anything far from what I wanted. However, the picture you posted was of us, together holding each other, I remember taking that picture with you and remembering all the thoughts that were running through my mind. I was excited, ecstatic, practically imploding with happiness. The feeling of being wanted was amazing, something I'd die to feel. Anyway, this isn't a sob story, the picture was cute, I loved it, I still have it saved on my phone, a long with all the others, including the video of you saying our thing in French, J'taime. I have it all, I truly do value those memories. Though, a harmless picture sparked an uproar, relatives and friends who had no about my involvements with girls, started asking questions, until finally my sister saw the picture. I wasn't really going to listen to anything she had to say to me, because honestly I didn't care what she'd have to say about my relationships. However, when she came to talk about it, she didn't lecture me, and just asked, 'How did you post if you don't have a phone?', I told her that you had all my passwords, and you posted it for me, she seemed fazed, she asked me, 'Is that really what I want?'
With saying that, and not getting a response from me, she left. I sat alone for a while, thinking about it all, thinking about what I really wanted, and whether a girl of your stature was what I wanted. I slept on it, and thought about it for a few days, and finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't something I genuinely wanted, but something I thought I needed. You see its like if you hate bread but its always available, and suddenly its taken away from you with no explanations or anything, you won't feel it, you will barely even notice its gone, until you get it back and its all you can eat, you'll subconsciously forget that you hated it and give in, and then you'll eat too much and remember just how much you hate it. I don't hate the affection, and thats what happened.
Now don't get me wrong, you're amazing, truly, a great friend, and all round amazing person. It wasn't the affection that I 'hated', it was the dominance. However, don't let my view on it, make you change it, I'm certain there are guys who love that. Love the affection being expressed in that way, its just not for me.
We had fun while we lasted, you'd never forget to text me, or wish me goodnight. It was clear positive vibes from you. I thought I did what was right by ending the relationship because it wouldn't be fair on you if I stayed and just wasn't feeling it with the same passion as the beginning. I still don't know what I should've done, maybe if I'd stayed things would be different, but who knows? Though I have to thank you, you showed me what to look for and what I deserve. I thought I didn't deserve anything, but you made it clear to what I deserve. Happiness. You're the most amazing person I know, the only heart I've met that was as kind as my mothers. You truly have a heart of gold. I'm sorry I broke it.
