I woke up in a blur. I sat up in my bed rubbing my eyes trying to fully wake up. I looked at my nightstand next to me and realized a note was there. I picked it up and looked closely at it and saw that it was stained with what could only be blood. Handling it with the tips that were clear of blood, I started to read the letter and soon sadness swept over me. I was shocked and confused. Not only was the note dated three days ago. Not only was the note unmistakably in my handwriting but....it was a suicide note.
I didn't even remember writing it, but I did remember what happened three days ago. That Monday a girl named Erica and her two friends beat me up while I was walking home after school. That wasn't the first time they messed with me. They've been doing it for months now. I told my mom, I told the teachers but nothing ever got done about it. But still ...suicide...no way.
None of this made sense. I couldn't remember anything but Monday and I wrote a suicide note? I just shook my head confused and got up out of bed.
I went into the hall and headed to my mom's room, where the door was wide open. She was sitting on her bed staring out of her window when she started crying. "Mom what's wrong?" I asked as I walked in
She didn't answer me but started rubbing her arms as if she was trying to get warm. "Do you want me to leave?"
Again she didn't answer but just started to sob heavily. "Gia..." She cried.
"Yes mom, I'm right here what is it?"
She was silent for a moment then mumbled, "I'm so sorry I failed you as a mother. I'm so sorry...."
"What are you talking about? No you didn't" I told her.
I tried to put my hand on her shoulder but before I could she quickly moved and laid under her covers. I just stayed there not knowing what to say or what to do. A minute later the phone started ringing. My mother got up and answered it. "Oh Julie!" my mother said relieved.
"Tell aunt Julie I said hi" I told her.
"Just get here as quick as you can please".
"Aunt Julie is coming over?! I haven't seen her in forever" I smiled.
"No...I haven't been in her room since....yeah, the um, funeral will be held on Saturday. Ok, I'll see you when you get here".
"Who's room? What funeral? Who passed away?"
Mom hung up the phone and laid back down under her covers. "Why are you ignoring me?!" I asked getting annoyed
No answer. "Do I have to go to school today? I really just wanna rest" I said to her.
Again, no answer. I left out of her room, frustrated, as she continued to cry. I went to the bathroom and tried to close the door.
I stood there in horror as my hand went through the door knob. What the hell?! I tried again and the same thing happened.
I repeatedly tried getting the same result. "Mom!" I screamed at the top of my lungs
She didn't come for me so I then ran to her room. She was laying down with her covers pulled just above her waist. I tried to shake her shoulder. I watched as my hand went through her shoulder. She shivered and pulled the covers up more over her. No, I thought, this can't be happening. What am I? I continued to try to touch and pick up things but I kept getting the same result. This has to be a dream! "Wake up!" I screamed
"Mom! Help me!" I cried, "Gia wake up!" I pinched my arm
Tears blurred my vision. I was feeling a huge mix of emotions. "Mom" I sobbed.
I looked at my own hands and they were transparent. I looked further down and screamed like I've never screamed before. My legs weren't my legs. They were faded into...into nothing. How was I walking if I didn't even have feet?! "What the hell is going on?!"
After a while I came to the craziest conclusion. I was dead.
Sadly, aunt Julie confirmed it when the words, "Gia will be truly missed", came out of her mouth.
She continued on to say "what do you think made her want to....ya know?"
"Those girls...those damn girls at her school! They just kept messing with her! Then I come home Monday night to find her and that fucking note! I could've stopped it! I should have! This is all my fault Julie!" my mother broke out into a sob
Aunt Julie was by her side comforting her.
The note. How come I could pick up the note? Nothing was making sense. "What is going on!?"
"Oh wow you're up already?"
Mom and aunt Julie hadn't moved their lips or said a word. I turned around in shock. I fell back onto the floor and crawled away.
"Who?! You?! What?!" I started bawling my eyes out again.
There was a female behind me dressed in all white yet she looked transparent too. Her hair was a short cropped cut and a light silver. "Are you ok?" She asked kneeling down to me, offering her hand
"Wait you can hear me?"
"Of course Gia. Please get up" she said still offering her hand.
I grabbed it and my hand didn't go through hers.
"Oh my god!-"
"You shouldn't use his name in vain Gia" the lady said.
"How do you know my name?"
"I know all of our recruits names. I'm Rain, it's nice to meet you" she smiled.
"Recruits? What are you talking about?"
"Ah see, I have much to explain to you".
"About what?"
"Coming to heaven".
My eyes widened in suspense. "What do you mean? Heaven?"
"You're a special one. I knew you were since you awoke days earlier than other recruits. You were scheduled for Saturday. If you come with me I can explain more to you".
"No way! This is just some crazy, sick dream! Gia wake up!" I screamed and started pinching myself.
"Gia trust me. I was sent to you for a reason let me explain".
"Explain why my own mother can't even hear me?! Fucking explain!"
"Gia!" Rain shouted, appalled, "how dare you?! How disrespectful of you to use such language!"
I calmed down, surprised that the serene lady's feathers were ruffled. "I'm sorry....I'm just so...so"-
"Confused, I know. Please just come with me".
"Fine".
I turned to my mother and aunt, "goodbye. I love you guys so much! I'm sorry for what I did, so sorry..."
"Let's go" Rain grabbed my hand and took me into my bedroom.
"Let's sit" she instructed me onto my bed.
"So you're from heaven?" I asked as I sat down onto my old bed
"Yes. I'm one of the Lord's followers".
"So can you explain what's happening to me?"
"Gia you committed a sin. You took your own life, but no sin is unforgivable. Right now you are in a state of limbo".
"Which means?"
"You're in a state of oblivion and uncertainty. Once you choose where you belong permanently, you can leave this place."
"What do you mean, once I choose? Choose what?"
"I mean choose whether you belong in heaven or hell. People don't usually choose, but you're a special case. The decision could've been made already but not only did you commit a abominable sin, but you're also not baptized so you can inherit all that The Lord has to give you. Why are you not Christian Gia?"
"I don't believe in that book. So what's gonna happen to me?"
"If you do not believe in the bible then you can't believe in heaven or hell. Do you understand me? You must accept Jesus as your Lord and savior."
"If I don't what happens?"
Rain had a disgusted look on her face, "if you don't?" She questioned
"Yeah" I replied anxiously.
"Then you stay here in Limbo or are sentenced to hell. But no one of knowledge would allow themselves to be casted away to him! Especially if they have a choice like you do!"
"Okay calm down, I was just asking. I mean Lucifer can't be that bad if he was God's favorite angel, right, wasn't he?"
"How dare you!" Rain stood, "Satan can be just that bad" she spat at me.
She then looked up high, breathed in then out, and then calmly sat down on my bed. "I apologize" she said in the softest voice.
"I forgive you, it's fine".
"So will you come with me?" She asked
I looked down and played with my hands, "I don't know", I could feel her eyes burning through mybsoul.
"I just don't want to leave my family yet, or earth in that matter" I looked up at her.
She was staring intently into my eyes.
"You don't know?!" She said calmly
I could feel her ready to snap at me. "Your time is done here Gia" she said.
"I know....and it's my fault".
"Gia....stay here in Limbo, at least until Saturday. That'll give you enough time to think this important decision over. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay".
And with that she vanished.
I got off my bed and went back into the living room with mom and aunt Julie. They were talking about the funeral and I wasn't up to listen. I wish they could hear me. And how come Rain, my bed and that note are the only things I can touch. There were so many questions I had and no one was there to answer them. I needed air and I reached for the front door knob when my hand went through. "Ugh" I groaned.
I thought for a moment. I had to get out of the house. If I could go through the doorknob then I could go through the door, right? So that's exactly what I did. I felt a burning chill as I passed through. It worked! Something worked!
Outside the air was cool and fresh. I breathed in and out, and for some reason started walking in the direction of my school. There was barely anyone on the streets. I enjoyed the walk until I reached the spot where I got beat up. My drops of blood were still on the pavement. Tears flooded my eyes as I started to remember. I continued on walking until I was standing in front of my old school. I walked up to the double doors of the building and passed through them.
The halls were mostly quiet except for the indistinct chatter in the classrooms. I looked at the clock in the main hall that read 9:05 am. I would be in World History. I walked up the stairs to the second floor and stood outside of Mr. Ashton's, my old social studies teacher, classroom. Usually Erica and her followers were in the back of the classroom but today they weren't there. Mr. Ashton had on some historical film. I don't know why I went there. I couldn't do anything to Erica even if she was there. I turned back around and headed out of the building.
When I got home mom and aunt Julie were in the kitchen cooking breakfast. I tried to sit down at the kitchen table but fell through the chair and hovered over the floor. "What the hell?!" I let out in frustration
I collected myself quickly, realizing I had just cursed in front of my mom and aunt. That's when I remembered that they couldn't hear me.
As I hovered there I just watched them. "Mom I need you so much!" I sighed
"So you're Gia?" I heard a voice say.
I looked up to find a tall, well built and devilishly handsome man standing at the kitchen doorway. "Who are you?" I asked
The man had an energy that made me want to run away, but at the same time stay. "I'm Lyric, are you coming with me?"
"Um, to where?"
He rolled his eyes, "I know one of his angels already came to you, but you didn't go. So, are you coming with me?"
I started thinking...Rain!
"Wait a sec...are you from hell....—a follower of satan?!"
"He prefers Lucifer".
"This is fucking crazy!" I whispered under my breath.
"So are you coming with me?" He asked for the third time
"I mean I don't know, Rain is giving me until Saturday to think it over".
"Well then your decision has already been made".
"Wait!" I yelled before he could vanish, "what do you mean?"
"I mean that we only want people who know what they want. Good—"
"Wait!"
"What?!"
"Can you please just explain to me what's going on, that's all I ask".
"You really don't get to ask anything".
"Please Lyric".
"Fine. What?" he stuck out his hand for me to grab and helped me up
"I can't touch anything, well except for you and Rain, and a note—"
"How did you get here?"
"I....committed suicide".
"Where?"
"In my room I believe".
"Show me".
I led him to my room. "The only thing I can touch is my bed and my note".
"Hmm.... where did you wake up?"
"On my bed".
"Then that explains it, those were the last few things you touched before you killed yourself so they're easier for you to handle".
"Wait, so I can handle other stuff?"
"Yeah, everyone can in Limbo".
"How?"
"You just have to concentrate on what you want to get done and let it happen naturally. Are we done now?"
"Yeah, uh thanks".
And with that he vanished. "Concentrate huh?"
I went over to my door and tried to turn the knob. My hand went through. I tried again making my hand as firm as possible. Again, my hand went through. I tried and tried again. "Come on!"
I closed my eyes breathed in and out and reached for the knob while I pictured myself closing the door. "No way!"
It worked! I continued to close and open the door. I opened it one last time and that's when mom and aunt Julie walked up to the doorway. "What was that?" Mom asked
"Probably just the wind. Happens all the time, it slams the doors hard shut at my place" aunt Julie assured her, "I'll go close the windows".
"Ok".
They both then went away. "I actually got their attention?"
They settled themselves in the living room and were watching tv while they ate.
I walked over to where they were sitting on the couch. "Concentrate Gia, you can do this".
As I pictured myself on the couch next to mom, I slowly went to sit down.
When I was next to her I bursted into tears. "Wow it's so cold in here, you sure you got all the windows?" Mom asked aunt Julie
"Yeah, pretty sure. Do you want me to get a blanket?"
"Would you?"
"No problem".
Aunt Julie went down the hall to mom's room. "It's June mom, why are you so cold?" I laughed
I knew she couldn't even hear me but it was comforting to talk and be next to her.
Aunt Julie came back with a blanket and they continued to watch a movie. There was talk of me here and there, but mostly comforting silence. It felt normal, like I was just there with them like always.
For the next few days I just stayed around the house with mom except for the days when she went with aunt Julie to see family. I also started handling more and more things. One night I even tried to kiss mom on the forehead, it didn't work no matter how hard I tried. She cried at least once everyday. It broke my heart.
"Mom please don't cry, I'm right here" I would say.
I wanted to hug her and tell her how much I missed her. I wanted to write little notes to her and give her signs that I was right there with her, so bad! I knew that would just freak her out though, as much as it freaked me out being in Limbo.
The weekend came, and for the first time in my life, I didn't want it to.
I didn't want to have to choose between heaven or Limbo. I couldn't leave mom yet, I wasn't ready.
I was laying on my bed thinking about what I'd do, when mom came in. She had her short thick brown hair in a curly updo, and was wearing a classic long sleeve dress with black pumps. She was wearing the necklace I bought for her last Christmas. She rubbed on the silver heart and said, "I love you so much Gia" and kissed it.
"I love you more mom" I got up from the bed.
Again, I wanted to hug her so badly, let her know I was here, and tell her she looked beautiful even if it was my funeral she was going to.
"Por favor, Dios la aceptarla ella como un ángel" she prayed.
"Pero mamá—"
"Porque ella es mi angel....asi que, por favor. Amén".
There was a long silence, then I agreed, "Mamá ok".
Her eyes were glistening as if she was about to cry again. "It's time Maria" aunt Julie came and led mom out of the house.
"Goodbye!" I rushed out.
A moment later Rain came. "Good morning" she said politely as she sat on to the bed to face me, "it's time to make your decision".
"I know".
I closed my eyes, breathed in then out and said, "I accept Jesus as my Lord and savior".
"Very wise" she smiled, "Gia if you don't mind me asking, what made you choose us?"
"My mom. She prayed that God would accept me as one of his angels. This is what she would want and what's right for me".
She nodded, "well let's go shall we?" She offered me her hand
I took it, and with that we vanished.
