i am irrelevant

this is the end of everything

"So, why the fuck am I here?" Was my first question to my magnificent shrink.

"Why don't we start with a hello?" Said the pathetic shrink slowly and calmly that even a baby could have gotten vex with him because of his way of talking. "How do you feel today?"

I took a deep breath and threw myself on the red cushin.

"Today, well, I am feeling rather anno - I mean, I am feeling exceptionally... hmm, what is the word that you would like to hear coming out of my mouth? Oh, yes, fantastic!" And yes, dear reader, I did say 'fantastic' with so much enthusiasm. You should've seen the shrink's facial expression. Ha! He really couldn't keep himself his feelings. Always sharing. I hate people that always have to share it all. Every little thing. Why share it? At some point nobody will be important and we all with our ideas and thought will be thrown to the Garbage of Oblivion.

Now it was the shrink's turn to take a deep breath.

"Tel me about you, Daniel," was his desperate question.

"Like, my life story?" I know, I know, who's the pathetic guy now, huh?

The shrink nodded.

"Hmm, OK. So, I was born in Vermont on the 31st of August in 1996. A year late my father attempts suicide and believe it or not, that bastards succeeded. And that's why I've been stuck with my mother my entire, neglect-by-everyone life. Nothing interesting and or good happened till my 15th birthday, when I attempted and failed. Two years later I do a hike with my boyfriend. Three years later I apply to Columbia University and I am accepted. Ta-da. And now I find myself here. End of the miserable story."

"All right," was his grandiose reply. He nodded his head whilst writing something on his yellow notebook. "What are you studying at Columbia?" He looked up to me.

"None of your business," I said as fast as the speed of light. I hate shrinks. I really, really do.

He then again took a deep breath.

If this were a war, I'd be winning. I'd be England and he'd be Germany. I'd be singing 'God Save Our Queen' and he'd be singing 'Deutschland Ueber Alles' or some German song like '99 Air Balloons'. However, we'd have something in common: We'd all die at some point.

While there was a silence between my response and his brain trying to work and so create something logical that could theoretically come out of his mouth, I was wondering why someone would want to be a shrink. How come? I mean, all those that hate you call you 'shrink' (and if you haven't noticed, I am one of them). Poor him, I thought for myself. I'll play a game with him.

I stood up and said: "Firstly, I was sent here, meaning that I've come with attitude that will not be even gone at the end of this useless - how do I call it? Oh, yes, stupidity, OK?" I started to pace. "Secondly, I can see your bottle of whiskey behind your foot, meaning you also have problems and I doubt that you - a shrink - goes to another shrink. Therefore -" I stopped pacing and threw my eyes at him - "quid pro quo. Besides, it'll be piteous just to talk about me."

I threw myself on the cushion. He took his bottle of whiskey and took a sip of it.

"This is not a movie," was the unnecessary first half of his sentence. "And you're not Hannibal Lecter, but Daniel Bank. Besides, I'm now your therapist, not shrink, as shrink is an obscenity and you know that, so please be an angel and stop with it. And lastly, we are only talking about you, Daniel."

Yeah, that was my call. You see, I am a peculiar human being. I enjoy talking about other people's life and yes, that does sound perverting and just queer, but I guess that my life is woefully boring and listening to other people's life is quite entertaining. So, I stood up and walked toward the door. I was just about to open it and fly to the world, when words blasted out of his mouth.