Namjoon x Male!Self-Harm!Reader: Dancing

1

    It wasn't entirely your idea, but Namjoon insisted on teaching you some dance moves he'd done for BTS. You had just been watching a practice when you blurted it.

"God, I wish I could dance like that," you found yourself saying. They were simply practicing their dance for War Of Hormone in the room, but you didn't expect Seokjin to speak up.

"Yeah?" he said with a grin. "I'll bet Namjoon can teach you." Namjoon hummed a noise of interest.

"What's this?" he asked. "I'm teaching who?" Seokjin pointed at you, who was sat on the floor, to which Namjoon chuckled. "You want to dance?"

"I don't know," you shrugged. "Maybe."

"Any kind?"

"Probably one of your MV's." You heard Jungkook's familiar chuckle.

"Hyung can't dance, though," he said. Namjoon shot him a glare.

"Ah, Jungkook, shut up," Hoseok said, pushing him. "Namjoon can dance just fine. It's you that can't dance."

"Hoseok!" Hoseok giggled as he earned a shove from the youngest. Namjoon ignored the exchange.

"I can message you when we can come in and practice some," he told you. "That okay?" You nodded. You couldn't believe he was serious, that he was going to show you how to dance.

And when he messaged you, boy, were you nervous.

"You ready?" he asked when you arrived. He was dressed in simple shorts and a t-shirt, whereas you were wearing some loose-ish jeans and a tank. "You sure you want to wear jeans? I brought an extra pair of shorts."

"No, I'm okay," you said. "But thank you, Namjoon." He shrugged and led you over to the mirror so you could see what you were doing.

He taught you basic steps, swims, body rolls, pop-lock type things. You weren't sure what dance he was working towards, but based on what you were doing, it looked like you were learning what they were practicing earlier. Or possibly Fire, but it was hard to tell.

"You okay?" he asked, and you nodded through your slightly hard breathing. "It's tiring, yeah?" You nodded again. "You can still put on the shorts I brought." You shook your head.

"No, Namjoon, I'm okay," you told him, a second rejection. "Just need some water and a small break." He nodded and pointed to his bag, which held a couple bottles of water. He did give you a odd look when he nodded, as if he didn't understand why you wouldn't make this practice easier for yourself. Of course, there was no way you'd ever tell him.

"Five minutes," Namjoon said. "Ready for the next part?" You took a deep breath and stood from where you were sat against the mirror. "And you're sure about the shorts?"

"Joonie, yes," you said, and he rolled his eyes at the nickname.

Another half hour passed and you were feeling good about your moves and how you were progressing. You guessed that all that childhood exercise actually did help in the long run. Though you'd never be as completely toned as Jimin was, it was a nice thought to see that you were healthy.

"Okay, again," Namjoon directed, counting off before you practiced a pop-lock technique, then a body roll, and legwork.

That's when your leg gave out.

"Ah!" you said, falling onto your side and holding where your foot had caught against your other leg.

"Oh, oh, oh," Namjoon said, pausing his steps to kneel down and look you over. "What happened, are you okay?" You nodded, rubbing the sore spot.

"Yeah, yeah," you assured. "I misstepped, I'm okay." He ushered your hand out of the way to go to lift up your pant leg. "No, no, really, I'm fine."

"I'm just checking for bruising," he assured back. "Just hold on."

"Namjoon, I don't want-" But your sentence was cut short when he lifted up the jeans to reveal...well, scars.

Lots of scars.

For a moment, he just stared at them, wondering how they had even got there, and with what, before it hit him.

"You...," he started to say, but you yanked down your jeans.

"I told you I was fine," you said bitterly. He was going to think you were stupid to never mention it.

"But... When did this happen?" he ended up asking. You crossed your arms and he gave you a pleading look. "Please, just tell me."

"They're not new, if that's what you're going to ask me."

"Then when?" You looked away from him, though his reflection was still trained on you.

"It was awhile ago. I didn't know you guys very well." You sat cross legged. "I got mad at myself a lot, and I just...couldn't do anything else about it." He just looked at you. "Hey, it's not like I was trying to kill myself."

"But still," he said, "I just wish I knew is all."

"Pretty stupid of me." He shook his head.

"Is... Is that why you always used to limp?" You nodded, small tears coming to your eyes.

"It's why I always went to the bathroom, why I never went to the beach. There's many things I did to keep it hidden. I mean, everything's healed now, and I don't do it anymore, but they haven't even faded, so I just...didn't want anyone to know." Namjoon nodded. "Promise you won't tell the others?" Another nod.

"Promise," he said. You wiped your eyes and he beckoned you to hug him, to which you obliged. It felt nice not to be judged for it anymore, or at least by your friend.

"Ah, Namjoon!" a voice yelled. "That's not dancing!" You looked over Namjoon's shoulder, who turned and caught Jungkook's face in the doorway to the dance room. "You said you were dancing!"

"Get out of here, maknae," Namjoon said. Jungkook laughed and left the doorway, off to tell the rest that Namjoon wasn't even dancing.

"C'mon," you said, standing up and rolling your neck. "Let's keep practicing." Namjoon stood with you.

"Okay," he said, then looked over at you. "Just watch your feet is all." You grinned.

"Yeah. Okay."