The Part Of Me I Didn't Know (Not Done)

Chapter One

Today was one of those days. You know like when you program yourself for something and the total opposite happens? Well, that was today.

It started normally, I woke up on time, got to school on time, arrived at home on time, all normal. But then, my cousin was at my house wanting me to go out with her. At first I thought why the hell not? And decided to go with her in the hope that I can learn to socialize better. This has been my new latest objective, even thought I have friends, have had a girlfriend I still can't talk to new people. Each and every one of my friends I've have met because I knew someone that speaks to them. People say it isn't hard starting conversations, you just have to say what's on your mind. But what do you do when there's nothing on your mind? Well, just me, her and a friend went. Nothing much happened. I tried to start conversations and I think I'm getting better at socialising.

Before I went to sleep I thought that I wasted my time there. I have to study more, I should have studied more. And the worse is that I need to get better at that. This way I won't be able to leave this bloody country. Things here are even worse with this economic crisis that has been going on. 25% are unemployed, cost of living is high, how the fuck can I get a job here? Anyway, tomorrow is a new day that has been already been scheduled.

Today I woke up with energy. I could sleep more since there's no school. Basically everyone will work tomorrow but for some reason it has been decided that only students won't have class. I guess I'm going to have to live with that and enjoy, even thought it doesn't make sense.

I think I should go to this protest today. There have been a lot happening lately against the president. There's been years that he steals our tax money and invest it on himself. He built a fortified mansion for himself, and what was the excuse? "I need to protect myself against the rising crime". It wouldn't have a rising crime if you had done your job right, arsehole. And not only him, but basically all of the parliament. Those kind of people have nothing in their minds. They know the country is all fucked up, in the need for a strong and effective government response and they still do something like this. It's hard believing in humanity after living in a reality like this. It's only a matter of time until a candidate saying he will change things come and gains power, but in the end, does the same as the current politicians. But well, going to these protests take time and that is something I don't have right now. Studying just takes so much time of my life, it better be worthy. I live in this dilemma in which I have to choose to have a better live for myself or fight for the people of my country, even though I don't believe in this concept of countries. It makes no sense being proud of a land just because you were born in it. And hate people that have been born in other places just because your family hates them too. This and other silly things make me loose my belief in humanity. I still hope I can change this view of the world. It may cause me depression in a not distant future. Anyway, I'm thinking too much about th world's problems. I should get back to studying.

Later today as I was laying in my bed I started to think that today wasn't really productive. I've basically stayed just thinking about so many things. But none of them related to studies. This way of mine of studying is not good. I need to change it. Maybe I could talk to someone and try to learn their way. Better not. As it will probably require me to interact with people I'm not that close enough. And it would be a bit awkward talking to them just for one information. I don't think that's how social interactions work. Maybe I'm wrong. I better be wrong. Because if I'm right, how do people socialise? I should watch how extroverts do it. But I usually give so much attetion on talking that I can't analyse how they do it. Life being an introvert is really hard. And I just lose so much stuff by being like that. So many lost things I wanted to say. Well, guess I'll just have to live with that.