Faded (Sequel To Suicidal) [Completed]

His return... Isnt the best

I have been living in the same apartment when I first came to Korea... Where I met Lee Seokmin... Where I had my first faint.. Where everything happened... And now... I am here... Still waiting for Seungcheol and Seokmin to come back...

Jeonghan soon left the school to be with Seungcheol, or that's what I heard. Nobody wanted to tell me, but when I heard, I had been in tears.

Nobody could feel what I felt. Losing that one person you love so much, and that you had so much trust and faith in. Everything just goes down the drain..

And after all that, I started to feel like Seokmin won't ever come back. Back in my hands... Back for me...

I mopper around the apartment, and Mark doesn't like it. After college, he comes straight to my apartment to make sure I am eating right.

I haven't been eating, sleeping or doing anything right. I do go to school, but I stay away from others. I had made a small circle of me myself and I...

I still cut, and never stopped. Will I?

It has been that bad, really?

It was Monday, the day everyone hated but me. Mondays are the day I always write to Seokmin about the week. About everything. From the weather to the leaves changing and the outfit I am wearing. The only way I am still here. To talk to him through papers.

Once I got to school, I made sure that I was unseen. I didn't want anyone to talk to me. I just didn't want anything to happen. I kept my head down and my pace steady.

"Hello, miss, do you know this kid?"

"H-He's right there," I heard two unfamiliar voices.

I kept walking though, I didn't want people to talk to me.

"Jisoo! Jisoo!" I think that was Minghao yelling my name. The first me in months, he is now talking to me.

But I keep walking. Why? Because I don't wanna talk to anyone who doesn't know what's going on. Who doesn't understand it..

"Jisoo! I heard Seokmin is in town!" He smiled at me.

"I don't care," I mumble and keep walking.

"Ji-"

"Stop lying," I say and walk into the classroom.

I think I sew Seungcheol and Jeonghan, but I don't care. Seokmin will never come back. Ever. He has been gone for a year. Being in a better place..

"Class, this is your new classmate. Please treat him well," The teacher said.

"Hi! I am Lee Seomin," I turned my head from the window and saw Lee Seokmin.. Standing there, "I go by the name Dk, nice to meet you all."

"Can you please sit between Soonyoung and Jisoo," Why me?! I don't wanna be by him!!

"Yes," he started walking down the aisle to the desk next to mines.

"Miss, may I please go to the nurse? I don't feel well," I raised my hand.

"Yes you may," she replied.

I didn't look at anyone as I left the room. I felt like I was going to break down just seeing his face. He left me for so lon, and decides to come back when I started to fix up myself. Why? Why would he? So he could ruin me again?

I walked into the nurses office, and my 'therapist' was in there. She was sitting on the nurses desk.

"Jisoo, I was expecting you," she pointed to the chair.

I sat down as she instructed. It was quiet, and then, I cried. Tears after tears... All my feelings came out.

"Jisoo, when a year goes by, you may not forget all the bad things, but you can always choose the good things to make the following year better. Seokmin may have left you,  but you can't change it. So-"

"You.. Uh... Won't... Uh... Understand..." I sobbed. I felt like cutting self. I wanted the red liquid to drop.. Drop.. And stain my arms..  To be all over... To make all the pain go away...

"Jisoo I know I don't but-" she complained.

"YOU CAN'T HELP ME! NO ONE CAN! I DO NOT CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU IF YOU DON'T DO YOUR JOB!"  I screamed. I wanted to leave and that's what I did. I ran. I ran until I was out of the place, sand far from it. I wanted to far far away from everything.

I was home in matter of time. I looked for my blade. Under the sink, in the draws and up in the shelves. I found them in the draw under the guest bathroom. I took the sharp part to my skin. As soon as it touched my skin, I started to feel relieved. All my sadness and pain was being released. I was being more free from the pain. I was not as hurt as I was at school.

There was at least twenty new cuts. I cleaned each one carefully and bandaged them. I then cleaned up the blood stain. I made sure that none were remaining. I then put on fresh clothing's. I wanted to look okay when Mark found me, or else Jackson was going to be staying the night with me, since Mark also had night classes.

I sat on the couch in the living room. I had a blanket on me. I soon fell asleep, crying...

When I woke up, Mark left a note on the counter.

Hey! You didn't wake up when I had food for you, so Jackson is going to come over and reheat the food for you! ~ Cousin Mark

Great. I looked at the time, and it was almost 8. If Jackson didn't come soon, I was going to lock him out. He usually eats all the food anyways. I wasn't an eater, maybe that's why I am so small...

I walked to my room and started getting ready for sleep. I wanted to sleep and sleep and die in my sleep. I didn't want to wake up from my dream.. Even if they were nightmares.

"Jisoo! I am making food! Come and eat!" Jackson yelled from the kitchen. I ignored him and started to drown in my sleep....

***

No one cares for a orphan.  No one wants a child against God. We disown you. You aren't part of our family. You are just a mutt!