"Okay," I said looking into the mirror, "Let's try it." "You're NOT a failure, okay?" I stared deep into my own eyes as I said it, making sure I understood. "You ARE worth something, okay?" Keeping my eyes on my own, not moving them. Then. That little, tiny voice came back. "You sure about that? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that you're worthless." I shook my head and blinked several times. No. Not today. Not now. Please. "I just want you to know the reality of it all." The voice, even though quiet, seeped through my mind, making the words reverberate in my thoughts. "Don't listen to it," I thought desperately, "Just ignore it." " Oh yes. 'Cause that always works, right?" I glanced into the mirror again. "Okay. Look. You ARE worth it. People like you. They would miss you if you left." I said out loud, "Please remember that." Then it struck again. "Hm. No. I don't know about that one. I'm pretty sure that they'd be HAPPIER without you. Look." It suddenly issued, "Just stop this. We both know you don't mean it." But. Something was different. That last sentence. It wasn't a thought. I said that one aloud. It's taking over. "Hey, it's alright to admit to defeat. You already know you can't win. Look at yourself," My eyes shifted downwards, away from my face, "You're fat, ugly, never dated. You're pathetic." Tears burned in my throat as I try one last attempt, "No, please, don't do this, you KNOW we need this." I thought, attempting to persuade myself, "We need self esteem more than anything, why do you have to do this...?" I pleaded. "Because", said the voice calmly, "I know better. And I know we can't get better. It's all a ruse. There's no going back now." It had a hint of finality in its voice and I knew it was over. "I'm sorry.....I failed you...." "Well.", I said, pushing off the counter, "Let's go to school, shall we?" And I stalked off, knowing today was going to be an absolute living hell...
