At My Kitchen Sink

My Catastrophe

I ate breakfast this morning.

Now, it wasn't my choice.

Josh fed it to me. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

He brought small forkfuls of egg to my mouth, and it was all I could do not to spit it out and run away.

When we got in the car, I started crying.

"What's wrong!?" He looked at me with extreme concern on his eyes.

I could barely choke out the words "Thank you."

"Aww, for what, Tyler?"

For keeping him away. For making sure I was safe. For feeding me. For being my only friend. "Thanks f-for the r-ride."

"Why are you crying?"

"I f-feel like I'm f-falling..."

"We can take our time. Let's go the long way. Tell me what's really wrong."

"W-well my p-parents are ab-abusive a-and they t-tell me I'm
w-w-worthless and he's in m-my head tr-trying to k-kill me, telling me to j-just d-d-die, he's trying to str-strangle me, and I do w-want to d-die, but by m-my hand rather than h-his. And th-then there's the c-c-c-cutting. I'm s-so w-weak that I w-will do almost anything j-just to feel free..... YAH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! NO! STOP! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!"

I was panting. I was shaking. He's there.

Why did you tell him? There's nothing to do now but die. Just kill yourself.

No. He cares. It's ok.

It's not ok. Nothing is ok.

"Tyler, are you..." Josh stopped the car.

"Hey, Tyler. Come here. It's okay. Everything is ok."

Josh got out of the car and came over to my side. He opened the door and scooped me up, but I told him to wait. I grabbed my journal and a pen. He picked me up once more, and walked me into the forest. I climbed onto his shoulders and rested my journal on his head. I flipped the page. Am empty page had so much potential. A thought came to my head, and I sang rather that than writing.

"He stays home from work this time
He never really told us why
If he never really told a lie
But this time he decides that it's alright
It's alright
No one really knows his mind
And no one knows behind his eyes
The man deserves a medal
But he's never really won a prize before
He goes to lock the door
He has fallen in love
He knows it's enough
But the world looks down and frowns....."

"Wow. Who was that about?"

"M-me..."

"Oh? And who are you in love with?"

"Y-you...."

Josh lifted me off of his shoulders and sat me on a rock so that we were eye level. I braved myself for the harm he would certainly inflict upon my frail figure. But none came. He embraced me and.... He.... he kissed me. I was unresponsive. I didn't know what to do.

He pulled away and looked at me, shocked. "I'm so sorry..... I thought... I thought..."

"N-no.. I l-like you I d-didn't kn-know what t-to d-d-do...."

His gaze softened.

He leaned in again. This time I kissed back. It was short, but I was content.

"J-josh."

"Yes, Tyler?"

"Y-you keep h-him out."

"I'm glad, Tyler.

So am I.