Indestructible: Reinforced

Chapter 64

Chapter Sixty-Four

     September 2012

     Present Day

     I was leaning back in my seat, still recalling that day. Josh had done so much for me, and he really, really loved me. He was always trying to make the relationship better and deeper, but he didn’t pressure me to do anything, and he didn’t stop me from taking a step. He went with whatever pace I wanted, and when he wanted to do something his way, he suggested it in a way that was so gentle and sensitive I didn’t feel pressured or uncomfortable. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend.

     And now he was asking me to take our relationship to what was probably the last level. He wanted to marry me. He wanted to commit to me in the ultimate way ever.

     “What are you thinking?”

     Avy’s voice brought me back to Earth. I looked at her and sighed. “This isn’t just a teenage thing, is it?”

     Avy shook her head. “I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s so simple, but whenever I see you two together it just gets to me. I can’t imagine you with anyone else. Same goes for him.”

     “But I’m nineteen, Avy.” I protested. “I’m too young to have found the guy I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”

     “Do you love him?” She asked. “And not the stupid, teenage kind of love. Do you really love him, Gaby? Does it consume you?”

     “Yes.” I nodded. “Of course, I do. He’s Josh, Avy. I’ve loved him since the moment I met him. I loved him when I first met him and saw that there was more to him than the bad boy, I loved him when he asked me to dance at my parents’ wedding and didn’t care if that was going to make people gossip about us. I loved him when he showed me that he wanted to change and that there was good in him. I love that he’s not perfect, Avy. He has flaws and issues and I love them. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect to me. For me. It’s easier now, but sometimes I still don’t believe I’ve landed a guy like him.”

     “So what’s holding you back?”

     “Things change.” I sighed exasperatedly. “Feelings change. And his could change any second. I don’t know how I could live after that.”

     “I agree that nothing’s guaranteed, Gaby, but same goes for you.” She said. “Your feelings could also change.”

     “It doesn’t feel like it could happen.” I knew I sounded stupid, but that was how I felt. “I mean, I can’t get over him or ever grow bored of him. But he could always find someone better.”

     “Don’t say that!” She hissed, her eyes flashing. “You’re a good person, Gaby! And he’s lucky to have you. Don’t sell yourself short.”

     “Whatever.” I waved my hand dismissively. “I’ve come a long way since I first met him. I’m making progress, Avy, don’t start with me now.”

     “Just don’t sell yourself short.” She said. “Get rid of those insecurities.”

     “Whatever, Avy.” I sighed exasperatedly. I didn’t like having this discussion, it always made me feel like shit about myself. “And how about you? Once you’re done with your relationship sabbatical, will you get back together with Drake? If Josh and I are made for each other, then so are you two.”

     “Don’t turn this on me.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Just focus on your guy and I’ll deal with Drake. I won’t hurt him. I won’t let myself do that again.”

     “Fine, whatever.” I sighed. “Now, hush. Your baby needs to sleep in peace.” I got up and headed to the door. “See you later, sis.”

     I closed the door behind me and sat down on one of the chairs opposite Avy’s room. Josh was waiting for me in the cafeteria, but I needed a minute. He was waiting for an answer. I felt it when we woke up this morning, and later when we were having breakfast. He was nervous and tense, and he kept looking at me expectantly. I needed to give him an answer.

     I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to disappoint him. After everything he’d done for me, I wanted to make him happy. And if I said no then it would crush him, and I didn’t want to put a strain on our relationship.

     I was saying no because I thought I was too young to make that commitment. I was starting college soon, and I didn’t think it was normal for someone my age to start college already married. It was so…medieval!

     But Josh wanted it, and it meant a lot to him. And a lot of girls wished their boyfriends wanted them that bad. Josh didn’t have commitment issues and he was an amazing guy. The best. He looked like a goddamn model, and he was romantic and sensitive and funny, without being too in touch with his feminine side. He managed to look really masculine even when he was saying really sweet stuff to me. We always had a blast when we were together. We didn’t have the same taste in everything, but it didn’t make us argue and fight, and if we did then we’d be joking and laughing throughout the whole thing.

     He made me feel beautiful and special and amazing, and if he thought I wasn’t as sexy as the other girls he knew, he didn’t show it. He always made me feel better when I wasn’t feeling so good, and when I was sick he took care of me. He didn’t blow me off so he could hang out with his friends, and he took so much crap from them for being that good to me.  

     I had a good relationship with his family and right now they saw me as me, and not Avy’s little sister. Andrea and I hung out sometimes, and I got along great with Henry and Melanie. As for Jake, we were going to go back to being friends soon, if he didn’t hurt my sister again.

     And I forced myself to think about the marriage thing in a positive way. I’d seen the ring and it was beautiful. And if that wasn’t marking the goddamn territory then I didn’t know what was. And Josh would be officially, and legally, mine. Same with me. I’d be his in every way possible.

     Gaby Anderson. I liked it. It had a nice ring to it, and when we played husband-and-wife while shopping or lounging about at home, it’d be real. And his apartment would feel more like a home to me, and not just my boyfriend’s place. Or maybe we’d even get a new place, although I didn’t think there was anything wrong with his apartment. I loved it.

     I sighed. It was such a hard decision to make.

     Or was it?