You jump I jump

Chapter 4: All I know

Chapter 4: All I know

"I don't like you I just pitied you! You're a weirdo, I kissed you for a laugh" he taunts me, a smirk playing at his lips as he staggers towards me.

"You didn't really think I cared for you did you? Oh c'mon on April you know better than anyone love isn't real?" He sneers, I flinch at his words as a loud roar rumbles from his lips. He's laughing. The little shits laughing. The fucking fool.

Who am I kidding. I'm the fool, I'm the idiot. I know how this pans out, I witnessed myself how this pans out. Love is a hopeless stupid stupid stupid concept. A lethal game of love or be loved. Each as bad as the other; like gasoline and a spark; lungs and oxygen; life and death, both equally needing the other to work. One without the other is pointless.

Each being the others purpose for life, however if one is graced without the others presence it's purpose becomes to find it. Infinitely pining for it's other half.

It's psychotic really. I mean "love" is just sugar coating it. It's an illness is what it is, the majority blindly suffering. As it's the majority it's accepted, poets turning it into a strength with their haiku's and I love you's; always and forever's; flowers and glitter. They write their words, only 7, like a snake sizing up it's prey. Before you know it theres a socially accepted pandemic being treated with encouragement.

Imagine that? a disease people are jealous of? imagine how sick and twisted it would be if someone said they were jealous of your cancer. They wish their body would mutate. It's fucking insane is what it is. I however am not fooled with the sloppy promises of eternal infinite desire for another human being. I mean people aren't infinite, they're weak and malicious, something like us can't obtain something like that.

I know this.

Yet here I am. how. I don't understand how I got here. I worked so goddamn fucking hard. I even pretended I had it so the love suffering vampires wouldn't poison me. yet here I am. Standing before me is this boy. This fucking animal. I can't even be surprised about it though? He's just a human, he's only as animal as the rest of us.

Yet here I am. Infected and suffering. I'd go to a doctor if the world weren't in denial.

Shaun's POV

I scramble up as I hear her cry, my eyes adjust to the darkness of the night, I find her curled up at the bottom of the bed. She's sweating, her body is quivering. I move over to her. She must be having a nightmare. I shift my body as I bring hers closer to mine, I run my hand through her long brown hair. I love her hair, I love the way she thinks it's boring but doesn't want to change it because if it made her more attractive it could only lure in the wrong people. I love how she doesn't want guys to like her. It's funny how she doesn't see it.

Every girl our age wants love and a happy ending. They want romance. Apple doesn't. The amount of times I've listened to her rant endlessly about how it's stupid. For the longest time I believed that's why I loved her. because I wasn't supposed to. I thought it was the challenge of getting the girl who despised love to fall in love.

It was when she started warming up to me I realised that wasn't the case. She's different. There's so much more to her than her disgust of love. So much more to the hazel eyed mystery than I or anyone could ever begin to wonder. I just hope I'm given the opportunity to earn each step to the multi-storey skyscraper. I bet there's a nice view.

I'm pulled from my thoughts as she flinches.

"Apple" I call out to her sleeping body

"April" I instinctively correct myself, my hearts going at a crazy rate, she's still asleep?

I need to wake her up, this nightmare must be pretty bad; the tremors have gotten worse.

"Shhh it's okay" I coo at her softly

I pull her body closer to mine, her head resting on my legs now. She's sweating. I gently shake her body, receiving no signs of consciousness returning.

"April come on wake up it's just a dream" I say again louder, shaking her a little more firmly.

Her eyes dart open and she springs to her feet, her eyes hold nothing but sadness as she stares at the ground.

"You infected me" her empty voice quietly says

Infected her? what on earth is she talking about I wonder as she starts eying me up, her face contorts at the sight of me, her eyes full of regret.

"April?" I question trying to grab her attention. she flinches. physically. flinches. She physically flinches.

Whatever happened in her dream has rattled her cage. The content girl that fell asleep with me last night is no longer present.

"April you were having a nightmare, it's okay now, everything will be okay, you're back in reality, you're awake now" I reassure her, extending my hand. She glances at me and then my hand, her body stiffens as she closes her eyes and releases a deep sigh. She re-opens her eyes staring off into nothing.

"Reality is the problem" she bitterly mutters.

Aprils POV

His face drops as the sour words hit his sweet little ears. I realise now it was only a dream. A second chance is what I'd call it: A wake up call.

I know shaun, I know his intentions would never be so cruel nor his words so venomous. he did however unintentionally make me feel these things. These feelings I swore I'd never feel. It's not because being an emotionless corpse is enjoyable or that I particularly enjoy being alone.

Imagine it ;You're born in a time where killing is socially acceptable, except you aren't like everyone else. You don't like killing, it's sick and wrong. You swear to yourself from a young age you won't ever kill. You might have to pretend you like it and that you have so they don't kill you or brain wash you. You're great at it until you meet this person who makes you subconsciously forget about killing. Somewhere along the line you notice a change in them, they become more suicidal with every breath. Before you even realise what's happened you kill them, end the misery. But It goes against everything you stood for. Despite dedicating your life to not killing you enevedably ended up killing.

I can't not talk to him but I can't love him. I will not fall under the wrath of the majority. I will stand -alone or not- and I will not break.

"April" he shouts, waving his hand in my face. I increase the distance between us as he tried to decrease it. frustrated he stops, returning to his bed his hands fly up to his face, throwing his body back against the bed.

"April I don't know what happened in this dream. I don't get it. you were whimpering and sweating and shaking in your sleep and then when you wake up you flinch when I say your name" he exasperatedly says, he sits up leaning his head against one hand whilst the other massages his temples.

"I mean I know I'm hot but I'm not gonna burn you" he explains as if it was of genuine concern. Burn me? I'll be reduced to ashes. Ofcourse only after you've shattered my heart, but god how I'll burn.

I laugh.

I repeat.

The frown my face was holding falls.

And I start laughing.

I whole heartily start laughing my guts out. I don't know why I'm laughing exactly, maybe because I'm scared or maybe because I'm already infected. Maybe even both. All I know is the boy before me has the bluest eyes and sweetest smile. All I know is the boy before me can sooth my soul with a single touch. All I know is the boy before me sounds like home and tastes like coffee. All I know is the boy before me smells like strawberries but not strawberries at all. All I know is the butterflies in my stomach have been set free and are clouding my thoughts. So I guess I know nothing at all.