Abandon (short story)

One year ago.

Yearn (verb): to have an intense feeling of loss or lack; longing for something.

I looked up from my weathered dictionary to take a bite of the bland peanut butter sandwich in front of me. My routine was the same every day; I sat in the corner of the library at lunch and read through all the odd words. It might have seemed weird to passersby that I flipped through the thick dictionary as though it was a magazine, but I enjoyed knowing what obscure words meant.

The library was the perfect place for this since it was quiet and peaceful. One thing I wished for, however, was company. I was what you might call a geek; I cared more about my grades than I did about being social, so I didn't exactly have a lot of friends. Actually, I only had one: Ryder Hamilton. We weren't even friends, really. We were lab partners in fourth period biology.

I was distracted from my wishing for friends by a deep voice to my right.

"What are you doing all alone over here?" Ryder himself asked me.

"Hiding," I said, with a small smile. His eyes searched my face for a brief moment before landing back on mine.

"Come eat with me."

I was hesitant to answer him at first; his offer was tempting, but I didn't know any of his friends. Going into the cafeteria with Ryder would be a big step for me.

Tick, tock. The clock on the wall seemed as though it was waiting for my answer.

Even though I knew I would feel awkward being there, my desire to be social and to have friends overpowered my self-doubts in the end.

"Sure." I smiled at him, not quite knowing what I'd got myself into.

* * *

Gasping, I looked down at the front of my body. My white t-shirt was covered in the lunch of Drake Harper, the school's most popular student. While picking spaghetti noodles off my chest, I looked at Drake, who seemed almost sheepish.

"I'm so sorry! I really need to watch where I walk..." Drake's sentence trailed off as he grimaced at me apologetically. He ran a hand through his dark hair and I watched as his dark, bottomless eyes darted around my face.

I blurted out what may or may not have been a rushed acceptance of his apology. I couldn't believe he was talking to me. Drake Harper was actually talking to me. Granted, he spilled his lunch on me, but he knew I existed.

"Is there anything I could do to make it up to you?" he asked me, biting his lip. "Hey, how about you come to the party I'm throwing tonight?"

I couldn't decide if I was dreaming or if that was reality. Me, a socially awkward senior, at a high school party? Completely unheard of. My Friday nights typically consisted of movies and ice cream alone in my room.

"I'd love to." What was wrong with me that day? I had no idea how to act or what to do there, but I decided it was time I 'put myself out there', so to say.

Drake gave me the details and invited Ryder too, so we told him we'd see him that night.

* * *

Booze. Booze everywhere in plastic red cups. It seemed as though everyone at the party was drinking some alcoholic substance that made them act wild.

Shaking my head, I took a deep breath and tilted my chin upwards. As I made my way over to where Drake and his friends were, I didn't get one glance thrown my way. It was like I was invisible even though I was wearing my best party outfit and even a little makeup. Anger bubbled inside me as I thought about how irrelevant I was to everybody else.