journal of reality

Sometimes, I forget I'm not really in control of myself. Sometimes I think my thoughts are my own. I forget I'm under the hive-mind control of the world. I don't really live in reality most of the time. I usually just go through the motions of not dying. It's been a while since I lived.

I think the last time I remember before I went into hive-mind mode was when I was 4 years old. I used to dance around in front of the mirror without a care in the world. I used to wear tutus every day and feel as beautiful as a princess. I used to be always happy and love the attention from my mom's camera.

Now, I have become a shy nerd who spends all her time on the internet. I have become that introverted girl behind the glasses and bangs. I have entered a hive-minded label that I am not. I have not thought for myself in a while. I have not dreamed or lived the way only I would be capable of.

I've woken up once more. I have become aware of myself for the first time in forever. I hope to someday be able to recover myself from the ashes once more.