The Part Of Me I Didn't Know (Not Done)

Chapter Two

I still need to study more. I have gone so fucking bad in the last tests. What I can't understand is how I have gone to this bad following all just like the school's teachers have said. My efficiency may be too low, I don't know anymore. I just want to get these grades higher, this way I'm going to be stuck in this shithole. The problem is that I'm stuck with family. There, another thing that has a lot of fucking problems. Why do I have to love that uncle that have done nothing for me and only drinks and make hard time for other members of family? This makes no sense. Is it just because he has some percentage of my DNA? Again, no fucking sense. A parents' love to its children makes sense, because it is their creation and hard work but love for an uncle that have caused only problems is something I need yet to understand.

Following the same line of thought, people think that because I'm this cold I want to kill others, but that is totally against my ideology. Everyone, no matter what they have done have the right to live, people are not gods to decide who can or cannot live. But I still think that if I were in the heat of the moment I would kill a person. Not by will but by the instinct that lives inside us to kill and destroy things. Deep and hard thoughts, I know, however this will never leave my mind. I don't think anyone could understand this thoughts of mine. Saying this would be the perfect opportunity for losing someone's trust. People can't understand other's view of the world, so basically I have to live with a social policy of 'Trust No One'. And that is other thing I hate in people, and I know, there are lots of things I hate in people.

Nevertheless, today is a new day. A new day to try to restore my belief in humanity. I'm going to Dylan's house later tonight to chat and eat snacks and stuff. He's kind of throwing a party there. Another opportunity that life gives me to be better at socialising. I will try to stay with more with Julie, my extrovert friend that will be there, it might be better as she will be creating new topics all the time, making all the hard work of talking. Thinking better that wouldn't be a very great idea. If she does the socialising part for me I will never learn how to do it. But if I try to do it for myself I'll probably end up not talking at all. Fuck. I have no idea how to proceed. Guess I'll wait and there I'm going to figure out what to do. It's morning and it'll only start at late afternoon. Today is saturday and I have to study. I hope I won't just end up procrastinating all day.

As usual, I arrived with punctuality and was the first to get there. As people arrived I got nervous, because I hadn't yet chosen what strategy to use. I guess I'll just end up chating with Julie. But I need to learn to start conversations, and today is a great opportunity to do so. I don't know what to do. It is hard to learn this kind of thing. I think I'm going to...
- Hi.
A girl with light brown hair, medium height, bright brown eyes wearing jeans and a shirt approached me.
- Hi.
- I'm Chloe. What's you name?
- I'm James.
- Nice to meet you, James. Is it your first time at a Dylan's party? You seem a bit... disoriented here.
- Actually no, I'm just a little shy.
- Oh...
An awkward silence came. It is the perfect time to try to make the conversation go foward. I'm going to try to keep the conversation going.
- Is it yours?
- Yeah, a friend of mine knows Dylan and asked me to come with her to this party. But she haven't arrived yet. She should be here by now.
Well, for my luck, she was an extrovert and topics to talk came easily. We ended up talking a lot throughout the whole party and I eventualy got her number. I was also one of the last to leave so later Dylan came to me to ask about the girl while I waited for my uber.
- So... What about that girl? Chloe, right?
- Yes. What about her?
- You talked to her during all party. What's been going on between you two?
- Well, we just talked. It doesn't mean that has something going on between the two of us.
He was right, it did have something going on between me and her, but I don't want to tell this already. I'm still not sure if this is going somewhere.
- Come on man, did you at least got her number?
- Yeah...
- So you two are going to talk more?
- I guess so...
- So you do want her.
- Like I said, I don't know yet.
My uber had just arrived.
- Alright, just let me know if something happens. See ya.
I got home and went to sleep quickly. I don't want to think about today now.