YOU

prologue

Grandma always said it was my eyes. Blue diamonds with a hidden sparkle. They sucked people in like magnets, she said. My eyes don't sparkle anymore.

I've never been in love. Not really. Not truly. Sure, I've had girlfriends, a handful of them at least. They're mostly good people and, at some point, I loved each of them. I just wasn't IN love with them. That's something I'm yet to experience.

I've dreamt about it many times. About having someone who cared about me. Someone who would hold my hand and hug me forever when I was feeling down. Someone who would listen to me talk for hours and never get bored of hearing my voice. Someone who'd then follow suit and tell me their own wild and wonderful stories into the late hours of the night, forgetting that anything or anyone else existed.

I want someone who makes me feel like I'm worth something; someone who will love my flaws and my imperfections, who will be different.

But it's too good to be true.

I've never found anyone like that and to be honest I've never thought that I cared. But sometimes I think about all the things we could do, the things we could talk about and the time we could spend together, and then it hits me how much better life could be if I had someone who cared. Because no one cares about me.

No one really wants me for me. People just think I look good as an extra accessory for them to hook on their arm and show off. Nobody wants me to just be me. Nobody likes me for who I am. I'm just a bonus feature in their perfect little lives. Not a necessity but a luxury treat to show off with.

But I don't want to love someone for the colour of their eyes or the way their hair falls over their shoulders. Does it not seem primitive to judge someone on factors they didn't choose themselves? I want to love someone because of the content of their character, because of the compassion in their heart.
I know there's so much more lying behind the façade of our appearance.

I want something new, something special. There's nothing special about me. Soft, coffee-coloured brown hair, shorter at the back and pushed up in a short, neat quiff at the top. Tanned, caramel skin with a small sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of my nose and below my eyes. My eyes. My piercing, bright blue eyes. Lighter than you would imagine, like fragments of ice or a pool of forgotten teardrops.