Dear killer,
you didn't kill me normally. Not with a gun or a knife. You killed me the day you left me, but that's not all. It was your words. When you said you loved me, that you would never stop loving me. When you said nothing could make you stop loving me, but you did. You stopped, just like that, without a reason.
It was your eyes. Your goddamn eyes that killed me. Your hazel eyes that glowed so bright when they came into contact with the sun's rays of light. The way your eyes would look so tired and heavy after you laid on my chest for hours, saying nothing but listen to our heartbeats and steady breaths. We didn't have to say a word to tell each other "I love you." Fuck, I could have looked into those eyes for hours every day.
When you held me and I held you, when we would lay together on the ground and watch the world pass by, but I wasn't worried, I was with you, the only person I ever cared to be next to. I felt so safe each time you held me. Every single time I felt your hands on my skin I could feel every bit of stress and tense-ness in my body leave, it got easier to breathe each breath.
I remember how it felt when you kissed me. You put your hands around my waist and pulled me in, wrapped your arms around me and kissed me. Each time we kissed it was different, yet so perfect. I felt the butterflies start up when you came close. I remember when you told me you got nervous when we kissed, how you felt such a happy, crazy feeling inside of you. I could feel the same thing. I was in love with you, only you.
I stayed up many sleepless nights for years just for you. Just so I could listen to your voice for a few hours, to understand who you are, and to admire just exactly everything I loved about you. Your stupid, dumb little jokes that I oddly loved to hear and laugh at, even if I didn't find them funny. I loved them because they made you laugh. I loved hearing your laugh, it fit you so well, your cute little voice cracks when you'd laugh made me fall so in love, I could listen to your laugh forever and never get tired of it.
I wrote pages and pages about you, ones that you would never read. I wrote about each thing I found fascinating about you, everything I loved about you, why I love you and all of our amazing memories. But I could never show you a single sentence I wrote within those pages in fear you'd drift away because I was so committed to us. Little did I know, that writing these notes could have saved us.
Because you left me, I no longer get to gaze into your eyes, I don't get to remind myself of all the reasons I ever fell for you, I don't get to feel your lips, or feel our hands come together. You aren't here and now I don't get to feel like what it's like to not be stressed anymore, or how to breathe easily.
I would do anything to have you come back to me, and love me for who I always have been, but sadly it wasn't me who made you laugh, my eyes weren't your favourite, you didn't fall for the way my laugh sounds, or how my hands felt linked with yours. You never remembered or thought of the little things about us while I remembered each and every tiny thing about you and us. Why did I put so much effort into you? I put so much effort into someone who could never give a shit about me, while my entire universe depended on him.
Your new focus is on her, but you switch from girl to girl now. I may not be the best looking girl like you said I was, I may not be the most outgoing, joyful girl ever, but nobody could love you and willingly go through as much as I did for you. I went through hell and back just so I could even hold your hand, but you wouldn't even look the other way for me.
I just don't care about you anymore.
Sincerely, victim.
