It's hard to lose friends. But for me it's hard to make them. I don't know if it's cause there is something wrong with me, or maybe it's just a skill i'm lacking.
The pen i'm writing this with today has the name of the place that ruined my life on it. Maybe it wasn't so much the place that i went to 5 days a week for 11 years that ruined me. Maybe it was the people i saw every one of those days.
I used to be a strong, happy girl. I used to enjoy life. But then you happened. And you, and you, and you, and you, and you. ALL of you. You hit me. You pushed me. You said mean things to me. You said mean things about me. What i ask is why? Why did you abuse me. Why did you make tears fall down my cheeks. Why did you make me hide in a bathroom stall. Why did you turn me into a coward. But to me, the real question is, why did i let you? Why did i let you do all those things to me. I will never be able to answer that question, because honestly, i don't know the answer
I was once a strong little girl. Maybe not physically, but i was emotionally. I was proud to be me. Then i wasn't. I was no longer the strong girl i used to be
You called me a slut, a whore, told me to kill my self. I was stupid, and broken. What do you think i did? I did what i was told
When i was laying there in that hospital bed, i saw you sitting next to me. I watched you cry. I lay in pain. My heart was broken. Never again.
Painful days come and they go. Getting through those difficult times alone can be hard. I was alone. But then, there was you. At the very window i am writing this at, i wait for you. I sit in this exact spot and wait for your car. I don't always sit here waiting for you just when i know your coming. Sometimes i like to move myself to this spot, look out the window and imagine you pulling into the driveway. I imagine you getting out your car as if the only thing you can think about is seeing me.
I smile like an idiot. I go to the door. I open it. And there you are. Looking right back at me
You are the person who makes me smile, who makes me laugh. But you can also make me cry.
I love it when you hug me. I love it when you kiss me. I love it when you smile at me. But most of all, i love it when you tell me you love me.
Yes, i could sound more stupid
I say this to you many many times, but i will say it again. You are my world "you rock my world". You are my first love, and i hope for you to be my last.
I speak about you the most because you mean the most. You are the biggest part of my life. You stay by my side. You help me get better. You help me be strong.
No matter how much of a pain i can be, you still say you love me. You help me through the pain. But. Sometimes you cause the pain. But then again, no one is perfect. No me, not you, not anyone.
Those long drives with you, it's what i live for. You are different. You are special. You are mine.
I love you, you, you, you. YOU are my love.
You, whoever you are, you are my problem. You said mean things to me, you hurt me. You ruined me.
You made him touch me. It hurt me. You made him put that fabric over my mouth. I could not breathe.
I got away. You lost
I cried and cried. Tears took over. My face was wet. I could not stop.
I want you to stop.
Please.
You drugged my drink. At my own house. I almost died. I could not move. I could not speak. I could not see. I was gone.
Writing this knowing it only happened today.
I saw her crying, wanting me to live. The ambulance came. They were in my room. Where i was, frozen on my bed. Because of you
You have hurt me enough. You will no more. I will not let you. Goodbye, YOU
Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh new beginning in my life. I will be scared, but i will still smile. I will make new friends. I will make A friend. I will hear from you. You will say 'i love you'
My story is complete. I am not weak. I am no coward. I will not let you make me cry. I will be strong. And i will always be strong
Watch me grow fuckers.
