Cigarettes

Is this fun?

He did it. He told the whole world. I mean his whole world. He came out, and he felt better than ever.

But was it too early to do that? Did he needed to do that? It was necessary for him to do that. He couldn't help it anymore. It's October and it starts to be cold outside. The Students are always talking about him. And the atmosphere just makes him wanna leave. Clay, did feel better after that though. Halloween was just around the corner and he was coming up with different ideas for costumes. It was his favorite holiday and the only thing that made him happy despite that it was Fall. At that time he was also getting ready for his exams for a German certificate, which is strange considering that he hated them. He ended up not talking the exam, but that didn't matter cause another part in his life was about to begin and separate his world into two. 

October 31st and it's the night of Halloween. Before the party began he had to take a class for his German certificate preparation. He went to school as the most dumb thing he could think of. He was an Emo guy. Just an excuse to use some eye-shadow and buy a wig. In his class were only five students, none was wearing an actual costume. They all thought that wearing a costume when they're in the 3rd grade of high school was so stupid. But there was a girl one year older. She was there just for the certificate, but she did get something more out of this.

At the party after that, Clay saw her standing all alone. None of her friends had come. So he decided to keep her company. That's right, another new friend. He could never stop making friends. Clay was indeed an extra open person and a very friendly figure. He started to like her, and even though he did like Justin he thought that he could give it a go with her since they would only have a platonic relationship. But Kendall only saw him as a friend. And that was okay.

Then came November and a new student came out of nowhere. She had messy hair, strong eyebrows, wearing a hot pink t-shirt like the ones young girls wear and had a little extra fat. Her name was Tina. Now, pretty much everyone was making fun of her, but in religion class Clay and Tina were put together as a team. The next weekend Tina went to his house, they had a lot in common actually. They both liked to draw, they liked the same shows and foods. The most important thing was that they both liked the same boy. After that, they would talk only about him and they would make fun of how big his nose was, but also talk about how beautiful his smile was. So she entered the team.

Tina was very spontaneous and so she told every single thing that popped on her mind, and so one day she commented on how big Renee's calf were. And Renee was best friends with Jojo, and Jojo took it very seriously, she was cruel behind her back judging everything that was possible for a human to judge. But when Renee started to make new friends and talk to others more than her she decided to play it good. And she, Clay and Tina stayed together. 

Now, Helen Hope, Helen no 1, was helping Jojo with her homework, she was very kind to her and took the blame for stuff she did, but one day she just couldn't and just wanted to take a break. Now, how would you call someone that kept someone as her prisoner and making them her slave? Would you call her a spoiled brat, right? I would. So Jojo was mad because her friend wanted a break. Wanted to feel free, and also to hear a thank you. Now cause of the anger Helen had after that it was hard for the rest of the group to take her side. Jojo made her the one who had betrayed her. While nothing had happened.

And then seasons past and it came May. It was time for the concert. But there were news were unpleasant. Not at the beginning though. Jojo, had found a boyfriend. And what could compare to the feeling that she had at that time? But they were together only two weeks. And she just had to ask.

"Hey Clay!"

"Hi!"

"May I ask you a question since you know more about these stuff?"

"Yeah sure, which stuff?"

 "Marcus, wants me to give him a blowjob this weekend, can you give me some advise?"

"You know I haven't done anything yet, right?"

"Yeah, but you still know"

"okay, well I guess put it all in and look him in the eyes as you are doing it"

And there was the first red flag.

The concert was just around the bend. And Clay felt so excited. It was his first concert. His favorite singer would come, Marina and the diamonds. He felt like all the lyrics in her songs were exactly how he felt now and then. "Obsessions" was his favorite.

  《   Supermarket, oh what packet of crackers to pick?

They're all the same, one brand, one name, but really they're not

Look, look, just choose something quick

People are staring, time to go quick in

Skin is on fire

Just choose something, something, something

Pressure overwhelming

Next minute I am turning out of the door, facing one week without food

A day, a day when things, things are pretty bad

Don't let it make you feel sad, the crackers were probably bad luck anyway》

He was always struggling with the thought of not being good enough. Not being able to fit in. But at the same time he didn't want that. He was very harsh on himself at times. 

One week before the event he was doing his therapy for acne that seemed to go well, he had already chosen his clothes and had already bought the tickets months ago and finally took them in his hands. He took a photo of them and posted it on Instagram. On Monday he woke up got ready and went to school. He run  to Jojo and hugged her. He was so glad someone had said yes to go to the concert with him. Nobody else wanted to come cause the didn't knew the songs and it was the first time they had heard of Marina. He would talk about her constantly. But when he asked Jojo to remind her that it was this weekend she had already had plans. Without him. His feelings turned from ecstatic and happy to sadness and madness. He felt alone, and his parents wouldn't let him go without a friend. 

And what were the plans Jojo had made? Bullshit, that what she had made. She was going out with a guy that treated her like shit cause she thought she was in love. He stood Clay up after they had planed it for months. But Clay had someone that was always there for him, Aria. She went with him at the concert and even though she didn't listened to that kind of music she enjoyed it. And what mattered was that they had fun. Don't forget that Karma comes around.

The next week some things came on the surface. What Jojo had been telling about Helen Hope behind her back.  Everyone was getting annoyed by her behavior. But just a sorry and a pretty smile could fix that; and so she did and everyone pretended that everything was okay. But it wasn't. Not for everyone.

But the group was put back together. With secrets. And fake friends. A fake friend.

And days past, and the lived through their lies. Learned to tolerate others. 

And as usual, Jojo, told them her experiences. Something she needn't do. But she needed reassurance that she was beautiful and pretty. She was  so insecure about her self that made her brag about any "accomplishment" she made. Which is funny; how she thought that being a whore was a pretty image. To sell you body to others. And if you think that that doesn't stick, just wait. cause there's more to the story. And there is more to her story that i can't tell. But she could. She could talk about her divorced parents, that didn't talk to each other. About  her fathers new girlfriend that could be her older sister. About the bullying she was receiving at school. And about why she tried self harm. Was it because she was hurting? Or was it because she wanted the attention she felt that her parents didn't gave her?