As Told By Trump

Little Red Riding Hood

Now kids before I tell you this. This story is about bad hombre's who don't follows America's rules.

This is a great story. Grandma's house stands for the border. Grandma is the picture of America. The basket stands for America's privileges. Little red riding hood is the person that delivers these great privileges to the legal American public. But you can call her, Donald. J. Trump. But in this story we will call her Little red riding hood.

Little red riding hood is a cute kid. Really cute kid. So cute you just want to grab and pinch her cheeks. Little red riding hood was at her home with her mother. They owned this home. Legal residents. Little red riding hood's American mother gave her a mission. Top secret mission. And Little red riding hood accepted because she's a winner. And winners rise up to challenges. Her mother said, "Little red riding hood bring this basket of goodies-the best goodies...ever, in the history of good goodies- to your grandmother. Legal resident." Little red riding hood nodded and skipped on her way to grandma's house.

Little red riding hood went through the forest because that's just what she does. She goes through the forest. And she's walking. Little red riding hood sees off to the side something bright...and yellow. It's flowers. and you guys know how the quote goes, "Stop and sniff the daisies." Everyone knows that saying. Look it up. I'm right. And if the internet says anything different, It's wrong. Fake News. So, like I was saying.

Little red riding hood smells the flowers and says to herself, "Grandmother likes flowers like a good legal resident would." Terrorists, kids, by the way, don't like flowers. Little red riding hood gets the flowers and puts them in her basket. The fragrance is beautifully strong-beautifully- that it draws the attention of...a bad hombre.

"Hola pequeña niña ," Which means, "I'm not legal, by the way." Which means, "Bad hombre." He tries to put his foreign fingers deep down into the basket. "Mmm, delicioso." said the bad hombre. Little red riding hood yanked the basket away. It was clearly meant for her grandmother. Legal resident.

"These are not yours!" said Little red riding hood. And she ran for it because as you know if you linger in the presence of illegal hombre's, they make you think that their like us, and they're not. Little red riding hood ran. Kids, you should run. Because bad hombre's give birth to bad hombre behavior. After running for a while. A ridiculously admirable amount of running, she looked back and the hombre was gone.

Little red riding hood continued skipping, singing 'America the Great'. She made it to her grandmothers. A gentle breeze swayed and the flag tethered to the top of her grandmother's house, blew in the legally American Breeze of the house Legally owned by the American grandmother of the American Little red riding hood. Not the Ghinese Little red riding hood. Not the black African Little red riding hood. The American Little red riding hood.

She smelled something off. It didn't smell American. But it was probably nothing. She entered the house and her grandmother called out, "Is that my little legal resident? Come give grandmother a kiss and let me see what you've brought me in that basket." Little red riding hood ran to her grandmother and put on her American reading glasses because her grandmother looked a bit...illegal.

"Why grandmother," Little red riding hood said. "What shifty eyes you have."

"All the better to spot the American privileges with."

"Why grandmother," Little red riding hood said. "What dirty ears you have."

"All the better to hear us legal residents with."

"Why grandmother," Little red riding hood said. "What horrible teeth you have. Some people might say...that's unAmerican."

Now kids, this is the part of the story where the hombre does something really bad. He attacks the American and yanks open the basket and devours all the goodies. Not one single goodie was left. Then, the bad hombre, disappears into the American night. And nobody does anything about this hombre's behaviour.

Do not worry kids. This story has a sad ending. Very, sad ending. But, all of these bad hombres on the loose will be taken care of, by this guy named Donald J. Trump. I don't know if you know who that is. But if you don't, that means the American education system is in bad shape.

You're welcome.

Any questions?