I wake up. I always wake up early. Before my mom...
I lay in my bed looking at the tape on the ceiling.
I remember how it got up there. I was putting up some yarn to put pictures on. But it fell and I am too small to reach it.
I look at my closet and debate whether or not I wanna wear my sweatshirt.
I can't wait to see my friends. I most likely would be insane if I never met them. I wouldn't want them to go threw what I have to go threw.
I mean every day your own friends ignore you and they talk over you.
Your crushes don't like you and the teachers get mad at you all the time.
Your dad yells at you for trying to do some good.
Your mom yells at you because your dad yelled at her because you are being yourself.
It's a great time.
But I will never say I want to kill my self.
I will never say that because that wouldn't be true.
I've never said that I wanna die. I've said I am annoyed with my life. How it's going and how mean people are.
My mom bangs on my door and tells me to get up.
I mumble something under my breath completely off of the subject.
She didn't hear me.
I put on some clothes and a sweatshirt.
I grab the phone my friend gave me and run out of the room.
"Hey moooooooom."
She glares at me.
"Can you drive me to school?"
"WELL I GUESS I HAVE TO NOW BECAUSE IT NOT ITLL BE ANOTHER FUCKING FIGHT. I AM GOING TO GET MY ASS CHEWED NOW THANKS."
"Mom. There was an option to say no. You know that right."
She ignored me and stomped into her room to put makeup on.
After a while my mom is ready and tells me to leash up my dogs. I do as I am told telling at my dog to shut up because he always gets super excited and he barks. I take them out into the car and sit in the front seat yelling at the other dog to not sit in the front seat.
I walk around the car and she is in my spot. I open the door and there she goes into the backseat.
My mom doesn't talk to me. Instead she plays he scratchy music really loud.
It only takes 20 minutes to get to the school.
Everyone looks at me funny like they normally do.
But today I am wearing a bright sweatshirt. The boys who I hate are skatbording. Showing off there skills.
I go down to where my friends are and talk to them. They don't listen to me. Sooo... I go over to a boy who is a year yonger than me that I have a crush on and put my head on his shoulder. He was playing on his tablet.
"May I help you?"
"Nah."
"Ok."
A few seconds go by.
"Why do you do this to me?"
I smile at him thinking of a quick lie. "Becuase I like to bother you."
"Ok."
2 minutes go by and my friends tell me that it's time to go upstairs.
I didn't want to. I wanted to be by him.
I didn't have a choice thought.
My friend grabs me and takes me up stairs.
She is going to make me be by her just so I can't join in on the conversation.
Then when I leave she is going to ask why and I'll tell her she wasn't talking to me or listening to me.
She is then going to say that she can't talk to everyone at once and that she can't talk to just me. And that I can't be mad at her.
We do this every day.
I am never mad at her. I just don't want to be in a place where no one talks to me. It makes me sad.
So I go to the room where my other friend is. The one who talks to me and listens to me half of the time. Which it half more than I am used to.
Today is a b day. This is the one day I can talk to my friend and she can talk to me.
