We hurt each other, it's just what we did; whether or not we meant to. But I'm so in love. The thing about love is when you love someone, when you truly love someone.. that love never dies. That shit never goes away. I thought at one point it went away, I thought I could finally move on after all these years. It didn't. And I miss you.
I miss you being here with me, fighting these stupid teenage years by my side. I miss your hugs, the big ones that send me crashing down on the floor. I miss your kisses and the way you look into my eyes before you place your lips gently on mine. I miss the way you chuckle, even if the reason behind the chuckle is something absolutely absurd. I miss the way you would say my name when I got annoying, though you loved me anyways. I miss the way you would booty bump me when we walked if you got even the slightest feeling that I was the least bit upset. I miss the compliments we would receive from people we haven't even spoken to once in our entire lives. All of the: "HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS ARE THE CUTEST!" and the "Goals, goals, relationship goals."
I just really fucking miss you.
I miss homecoming. I miss the way you looked at me when I got all dressed up. I miss the smile you gave me while placing the corsage on my wrist. I miss the way you held my hand in the backseat of my mom's truck. Though there were four other people in that truck.. somehow it managed to feel like it was just the two of us.
I miss the way we were. I miss how happy I was with you, and I miss how happy you were with me. I can't go back in time. I cant fix all of the stupid mistakes I've made throughout the years.
But I love you.
I wont get in the way of you and your new and beautiful girl. I wouldn't do anything to ruin your happiness. I blew my chance and you're in the arms of someone new. You deserve so much better than me.
I hated seeing you with other girls, and I hated hearing you talk about other girls. I hated the way all of the girls would gawk and giggle your way.
I was so insecure.
Just know you're all I ever wanted. I wanted to be everything and more for you. You wanted me to be more outgoing, and that I became. You wanted me to fight back, have more of a bite to me; so I did. I changed so much for you. I snuck around to see you. I took beatings and awful groundings for you. I've lost so many friends for you. I tried to be everything you could ever want, everything you could possibly need. But it wasn't enough.
I wasn't enough.
I talk about you everyday. I think about you every single day. You're in my dreams. You're in every god damn love song I listen to. I still smell your cologne sometimes.
I miss your touch. I miss your hugs, and the times you'd be ever so determined to find my tickle spots. I miss the dumb shit we would do. I miss the jumping out of my best friend's tree to hide from my mom. I miss the long late night walk on the bridge/path at the park. I miss the Skype calls. The phone calls. The dumb jokes and the funny pictures. I miss planning and talking about the future.. I miss everything.. I really do.
I hope you miss me, like I miss you.
