When the Smoke Clears

alone

James

To be honest, I didn't want to do it. What our capital had planned for me wasn't great and I wasn't exactly zazzed to be involved. I was elite, I was amazing at combat, and I knew that they knew it. Why wasn't I sought after?

While my father tried hard to keep it hidden from me when he was alive, I had known about the secret army Rua was putting together and I wanted desperately to be a part of it. When my father died, I lost my only chance at getting noticed and chosen for the rare opportunity. My father was a soldier himself; he knew the people you have to know to get in. 

He was shot while patrolling alongside the border two years ago. Since then, I had been floundering in anger. Anger that I wanted to direct at them. The Cian were perhaps the cockiest, proudest, most annoying group of people I had ever met and I wanted at them. To chip away at their lives like they did to mine, to make them cry in the middle of the night. That's all I ever wanted.

As I left the dusty red building in the middle of town, I knew I was not going to get my wish. A communication job? With paperwork? I bundled the words that decided my fate for me tightly in my hands before throwing them on the ground. 

I wanted the action, the glory, the bloodstained hands of victory. I wanted to know that I won; more importantly, I wanted them to know I had won. 

I glared at the crumpled ball on the ground before leaning over and picking it up. I stood up straight and confidently held myself while walking to the train. I paused at the door, and looked behind me. Nothing. Why would there have been anything? I was alone and would never be anything but.

My hands reached the cool silver railing as a leather handle fell into my line of sight. Sighing, I shifted my feet a little, allowing the strap to fall to the side of me. That annoying handle thing was a frequent problem of being 6'3. 

As the train emptied, I tried to organize my thoughts. The ball of paper I had in my pocket practically burned with the news that it held. That morning, I applied for a promotion, hoping for soldier, something to help me protect my father's legacy and instead, I got a stupid paperwork job. Something about meetings, a big one coming up, and some Cian citizens coming here. 

I exited the train quietly. I made my way to my apartment quietly. I walked up the stairs quietly. I sat on the bed quietly. Then I broke.

Everything my father had worked for was gone. The progress he'd made, the people he'd changed, the revolution he was going to lead, it was gone. I screamed out loud, not caring about my neighbors and threw a nearby plate at the wall. The glass shattered everywhere, reminding me of my broken state as I fell to the ground and sobbed. 

The shards dug into my knees, even through the black jeans I was wearing. Through the window, I could see the moon, engulfing everything in my bedroom with shadow. The glass on the floor, the bed and my crying, pitiful form. 

What would he think? 

I know what he would say and that almost made it worse. Get off the floor James. You have to keep fighting James. There's stuff to live for and you have to find it.

"Wonderful. Answer my question though. What is there left to fight for? I'm never going to lead your army, Dad! That's all you wanted me to do and now it's gone."

I lifted my sore body off of the ground and assessed the damage. I had stained the already red floor with more red. I brushed away some tears as I walked around the glass to the shower. I remember someone once telling me that no one can see you cry in the shower. That it's the best spot if you've got to do it. The real tip is that no one can see you cry if you have nobody to see you.

I decided that I would look at the paper after applying some bandages to my bloodied knees. I dragged myself towards the old rocking chair in the corner of my apartment as I reached for my jacket that I threw on the ground. The paper slid out easily. It smelled crisp, kind of like spices. I imagine that's what it naturally smells like in Rua. For a microsecond, I wondered what it smelled like in Cian. Probably the ocean. A little salty, but fresh.

I opened the paper and read the contents. 

A brief paragraph about how "happy" they were that I decided to apply for promotion, a list of duties and a date. In two days, I would be meeting at the meeting house in the city for an extended discussion with five Cians. Accompanying me would be Lukas Prescott, Felix Warthing, Louise Alverid and Beverly Erist.

I recognized Felix and Beverly's names; they were neighbors with me growing up. I never went out much because of my father's slight over-protectiveness, but I was glad to know some people. 

On the other hand, I had no clue who any of the Cians were.

Flicking through the names with my golden eyes, I tried to grasp who they were just by knowing their first and last name. It was silly and strange, but nonetheless entertaining.

I guessed that Mindy Grayson would like horses, Micheal Rambo would drive a mustang, Leo Smith would paint in his spare time, Quinn Bartell would be the most popular and I imagined Azure Beau to have eyes the shade of the sky. 

I internally slapped myself. They aren't your friends, my thoughts whispered, You're going to argue with them tomorrow. Who cares about their eyes, what are their weaknesses?

The voice was right, I needed to stay focused if I ever wanted to find out how to win. Perhaps winning these debates could be my victory? Instead of guns, I could fight with words. It was legal and a lot simpler. Not safe though. No matter how you fight, it's never good to assume you'll be safe.

I passed the crumpled papers to my nightstand as I stood up. My knees still hurt and my eyes were still swollen, but I felt a little bit better about my new standing position. 

Quickly grabbing the jacket off the ground, I slid into bed. As my eyes sealed shut, I could only imagine what the meeting day would bring.

Whatever I expected, I was wrong.

Well, it just so happens that I'm a fool and decided to update literally today. I cannot leave this story alone and it's concerning me. I hope you enjoy! Make sure to leave a comment! Tell yo friends and yo children and yo dogs. Because I love dogs. Anyways, seeya!