In the city, Melbourne just down Bringlee Street across from the printing store is an alley. Down that alley there is an empty ware house, in the right hand corner of the warehouse is an empty box and if you go inside the box then you are pretty stupid because its empty, but if you get out of the box and turn left there is a door, and if you go in then we can continue.
In the door there was a factory but not like most factories, it still had conveyor belts and everything but the employee's were different, they were crocodiles; crocodiles working in a paper clip factory.
No one knows how the crocodiles came to the city but they say that six years ago there was an over population of crocodiles, so the Melbourne zoo said that they could take some. They sent down 300 crocodiles, the owner of the zoo had a mental break down and let 100 crocodiles free, kept 100 for himself and well the other 100 no one knows what happened to them. They may have been used for shoes, belts and hats or maybe they are lying at the bottom of the Yarra waiting for someone to go for a daring swim.
The hundred that were set free had nowhere to go so they gathered together and found a factory. They all voted that the oldest croc, Clarrie Crow Crocie, should be the boss and promise to look after all of the crocodiles.
Now Clarrie was a good business man, he knew all the tricks of the trade. What got up Clarrie's goat were pigs he just couldn't stand 'em,' - ' they were dirty, messy, greedy and selfish. They can't handle money properly and always give more for themselves.'
Now, back to the story, if you walked down aisle 3 on conveyor belt 7, in station 6 checking if all the paperclips were straight was Clive, Clive Fang snap. Clive was different from the other crocodiles he was quiet and lonely and didn't scull beer till half past one.
At 4:00p.m every afternoon he would pack up his 'left over lunch into his claw scratched tin box and walk two blocks south and head towards the back of The 'Ge Ling' Cafe; Clive's little 'rent a room' home. There were only four things in Clive's room: a single bed, a bed side table on the bed side table with a tin cup of mangled paperclips (taken from the factory) and his old tin lunch box.
Clarrie especially liked Clive, they had known each other for a long time. Clarrie knew Clive's mother before the 'incident'. Clive will never trust another man again, it happened right in front of his eyes and it only took one shoot. Clarrie could trust Clive, he told him everything. Then unexpectedly Clarrie was found in his business chair staring at the picture of Clive and his mother on his wall, with a tear in his eye...........dead.
He was buried the next day near Clovers Park on a small hill just behind the wattle trees. All the crocodiles gathered to see him off, no one went back to work .They all walked slowly back to their tiny hidden apartments and sank in sorrow.
Weeks passed and things got worse, the crocs were slow not knowing what to do.
"I've got someone that will fit the job as the boss." Camilla gurgled at the staff meeting on Friday afternoon "and he is willing to start anytime soon."
Now Camilla Clare Nibbler was not your everyday croc, she wasn't nice at all and no one could trust her. Some of the crocodiles thought she was evil or wasn't a croc at all. She was often seen nibbling eucalyptus leaves at the water cooler, climbing up the fire escape and dozing off after lunch.
But she was their only chance to fight back.
"Well, I guess he'll do while we find a replacement," Cameron, the head of staff meetings sighed "but you know the rules NO PIGS!"
"Oh yes, I know."
The following Monday Camilla was late. Everyone was getting anxious about the new boss. Suddenly the doors burst open, a snort, a sniffle, was that an oink?
Claudia screamed everyone turned and saw the snout of a pig!
His trip trap shoes made of crocodile skin tinkled their way past conveyor belt one, he turned with a single movement sneered at all the employees and moved on. Camilla followed with a strange look on her face. After what seemed like years the Sus scrofa finely reached the middle of the factory.
"Hello, my little reptiles. Do not be scared for I am a fun guy, so they tell me. I can do a crocodile rock with the best of them." No one laughed there seemed to be an awkward silence in the air. "Moving on, my name is Percy Perpendicular Pig, or just call me parallel. You may think you know this lady" Percy pointed his chubby finger at Camilla, "no she is not a crocodile at all, in fact she is my evil apprentice Karen Crackers Koala also known as The Drop Bear!"
Camilla or should I say Karen pulled a zip from under her neck for the 'big reveal'. Her tattered fur peeped out of the crocodile suit - cute is not a word I would use to describe this creature.
As the days crawled past Percy would arrive at work sporting a new piece of crocodile merchandise - the gloves, the wallet, the waistcoat. Clive nearly chocked at the head band, and everyone had the chills. Things were getting weird and crocs were missing, they were taken into Percy's office for a 'health check' and would never be seen again. Clive knew something was wrong, he could see the numbers decreasing and knew he had to act. He remembered being told by Clarrie that things change when a pig goes into business.
The next Friday, Cameron (head of staff meetings) wasn't there and Percy had a new crocodile skin belt. Percy stomped his way up to the podium, a hush fell over the crowd "there's gona be a change around here my little Crocodylus nitoticus's. You're no longer making paper clips around here your making crocodile handbags....."
"WHAT......I love making paper clips, I always have and I always will, and you 'aint taking that away from me because it's my life!"
Everyone gasped .Clive wasn't the one to speak out like that, no one was normal now that Percy was here. Karen scrambled over to his seat like a rabid dog "Let him be Karen, I'll deal with him later, myself. Meet me Monday morning in my office."
Clive's eyes watered he knew what was awaiting him next Monday, he looked down at Karen. She drew a dirty finger to her neck slid it across her neck and made a dying sound. Gulp.
Clive walked home slowly his friends passed him with a sympathetic look. When he reached The 'Ge Ling' Cafe he ran in and cried himself to sleep.
All night he dreamt of being turned in to a crocodile skin handbag and being swung over the pig's fat!
Clive woke with a sudden jerk he had an idea but he had to act fast. He spent the whole weekend at home scribbling down ideas, posters and getting supplies. Sunday afternoon came too soon, he rang everyone that worked at the factory.
Monday morning came and Clive stole the B.B.Q from the cafe, took all the bacon, ham, peas and pots, shoved them in a supermarket trolley and ran down to the factory three hours early. Everyone was already there "let's start."
"Mmmm, I smell something good." Percy burst open the doors, his eyes widened, the smell of bacon filled the air, and the factory was warm from the heat of the hot ham and pea soup. "Hungry Mr Perpendicular" Percy started trembling someone locked the door; Percy looked down at the sign and gasped:
Today's Special
PERCY PERPENDICULAR PIG
with a side of Koala!
